One Shots (Emptiness) ©2014

1st Entry 3-12-14

The pain in my heart was unbearable; the anxiety coursing through my veins was an indication that I was about to lose myself. Falling to the ground I leaned my head to the wall, I couldn’t let desperation take over my body, not tonight. It wasn’t always this way. I was once a happy and loving person, I even rejoiced in laughter. However, that happiness was taken away from me exactly one year ago.

"What are you doing silly?” He asked. There were times I felt silly, today was one of those days.

“I felt like beating Betty Crocker at her own game.” I giggled. He’d look at me with  a ‘you’ve totally lost my mind’ stare. Perhaps I did. The cake mix sat on the counter with twenty other ingredients I had yet to use. Who needed that many ingredients for a dam cake? But I didn’t care, that was the beauty of experimenting. Plus, I continued messing up, leaving me with no choice but to start a new batch.

"What batch number is this?” He chuckled snaking his arms around my waist. He kissed me below my earlobe making the baby hairs on my neck stand for attention.

“Um,” I began. “Batch number three?” I shrugged. I wasn’t sure because I totally lost count. He shook his head and laughed.

"Hmm, what was wrong with the others?” He asked as he continue assaulting my neck. I wanted to leave the newest batch of cake mix undone, but I was never someone to quit midway.

"First one was too dry. Second one was too sweet. I’m thinking, ‘third time is a charm?’” I laughed. I placed the mix into the baking pan and placed it in the over. I spun around and watched as Lucas licked the bowl; that was always the best part.

"This is good,” he moaned. “Third time is a charm” he chuckled. I shook my head. Walking towards him I tiptoed and kissed his chin. His hair was a bit longer, he wanted to let it grow. The light five o’clock shadow he sported made him look like Hugh Jackman in The Wolverine.

 

 Lucas pulled me tightly into his arms. “I love you baby. You’re going to be a great baker.” Luca’s baby blues stared at me with so much love.

"I love you more, but you’re only saying that because I’m your wife.” I smiled softly. Lucas lifted my chin and placed a tender kiss on my lips.

“I’m saying that because I mean it. Your baking kicks ass and I’ll remind you every day of that.” Before I knew it, I was being lifted and brought to my room, well, our room. God, I loved my husband.

I rose from the ground a panting mess. I quickly made my way to the bathroom and washed my face, with shaky hands I fixed the messy makeup, I looked like a raccoon. Once I was under control I returned to my working station where a mess of papers waited for me. With a sigh I began to clean up the mess, but even the mess in my office wasn’t compared to the mess that was my heart.

Twenty minutes later I had a clean desk and somewhat of a smile on my face. I decided to call it a night, my bed was looking mighty good at the moment.

“Hmm, there you are.” He pulled me closer to his warmth. I wasn’t the cuddling type, but with Lucas everything had become different. “I love you, baby.” He’d kiss my hair and fall back to sleep.

“I love you more, sweetheart.” I’d whisper back. Nothing would ever change that.

I woke up with sweat running down my back. My chest heaving from the pain and nothing but my breathing was heard in the silence of my home. I urgently climbed off from the bed and ran to the bathroom; there I left the last contents of my late dinner.

“What’s wrong beautiful?” He held my hair back so it wouldn’t get in the way.

 

“I don’t know. I think there’s a virus going around at work.” I moaned as I leaned my head against the coolness of the bathtub. Lucas looked at me with beautiful puppy eyes and frowned. He always hated when I got sick. He gently placed his hand over my forehead and sighed.

 

“You feel warm. Maybe you caught the virus.” He walked back to the sink where he wet a cloth. “Here,” he wiped my face and mouth with the cold towel.

 "How was work?” I asked. Lucas was CIA agent, there were days I barely saw him and when I did, I cherished every moment.

 
"Work was, hmm…good?” his smile faded.

"Is everything ok? I know I’m not supposed to ask, but…are you okay?” I traced the dark circles underneath his eyes. I hated when he was given cases that took days, sometimes months, to solve.

 

 

"I’m okay, baby. I’m just tired and I miss you like crazy.” He pulled me into his arms. We both sat on the marbled floor in silence. I knew the Q&A session was over.

 

 

The sound of the alarm blared through the house. I didn’t go back to sleep, I was afraid of the memories and dreams. They were becoming too real; so much so, I would wake up with tears running down my face and my hands clutching to his picture.

I turned the alarm off and sat on the bed, our bed. I traced my fingers over the picture of us. We had been so happy on our wedding day, no one was able to peel us away from each other, not even for a mere second. He must have told me ‘I love you’ a million times.

"I miss you so much, baby." I kissed the taunting picture.

I had to live with the fact that my husband would never come back, but that didn’t mean I had accepted it. I knew I was a fool and perhaps a bit crazy. Lucas, was taken from me, however, my heart kept telling me otherwise.

2nd Entry 3/21/14
I stood a foot away from the door to his office; the walls were already dull and the drapes needed to be replaced, but I couldn't find it in me to redecorate or even step foot into it. I kept telling myself that he’d want me to go in there and look for anything that would lead to his disappearance. There was no point in that anymore, I was leaving this place forever. I wonder how he would react if he knew I was selling our place, our home, but I couldn’t stay here without him. I closed the office door as the tears fell from my eyes. Someone else would have to empty Lucas's office because I was afraid to lose my mind completely.

***
Three hours later and I was halfway done. The bedrooms and kitchen had been all packed and ready to go. I was exhausted to say the least. Leaving the last box stacked in the room, I walked to the living room and opened a bottle of wine. Midway to my pouring, the doorbell rang. No one ever came to my house after midnight, unless it was… no, I couldn’t go back there. The memory was too painful. With the glass of wine in hand I sighed and made my way to the door.

 I wasn’t expecting my husband’s best friend, Adam, standing in front of me with red eyes and tears storming down his face. Adam, like me had been in denial that Lucas was dead.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. I immediately grabbed his hand and pulled him inside. Adam never came to my house this late.

“I got a strange call twenty minutes ago,” He began saying. “I don’t know how much of it is true, but I really need to go inside Lucas's office.” His eyes searched my face as he said Lucas's name. He always knew how my husband’s name made me feel.

“Ok, will you tell me about the call?” I asked.

 Adam shook his head. “Not until I find what I’m looking for.”

“Fine.” I rose from the couch, grabbed my glass of wine and began to walk to the office. I looked back to find Adam still sitting. He had a saddened look on him, “Adam?” I called. Adam’s head shot up to me. He slowly nodded and rose from the couch. My friend wasn’t himself tonight and it worried me.

I opened the office for Adam and pointed for him to go in search of what he needed. Adam stepped in and looked around as if taking everything in. “Aren’t you coming in?” He cocked his eyebrow.

“I can’t. I haven’t been in there since…”

 It was Sunday evening and we were supposed to meet up at Shannon Rose for dinner. I stalked into my house in a pissed off mood. How dare he forget our date night? It was bad enough his job got six days of the week, one day wouldn’t kill him! I heard small laughter coming from his office and the closer I got, the more my mood shifted to beyond pissed.

 I stood in front of his door. Adam was sitting across from Lucas's desk and they were both in the middle of a stomach felt laughter. I wanted to laugh with them because they both had that contagious laughter, but then I remembered being stood up.

“Lucas Aiden Landon, you better have a great excuse as to why your wife stood waiting for an hour and a half at Shannon’s for you!” I tapped my favorite Louis Vuitton's like a brat.

"Shit!" Lucas looked at his watch and frowned. “Baby, fuck, I’m so sorry.” He rose from his chair and stalked towards me. Adam smiled when he saw me. Something about the way he stared at me, made me feel overexposed. I didn’t have more time to study his expression because Lucas's lips were all over mine. However, my anger was too strong at the moment. I pushed him off.

"No! A kiss isn’t going to fix this." I turned around and stomped towards our room. I slammed the door in hopes of Lucas knowing my anger. One night, it was all I asked for. The stupid Royal case was consuming him and it was cutting into our everyday life.

I was in the middle of removing my shoes when our bedroom door opened. I looked up to find a guilty looking Lucas across the room. That saying my mother always said, “this hurts me more than it hurts you,” came to mind.

"Liz, baby, I’m sorry. I really lost track of time." He whispered.

"It doesn’t matter anymore." I felt a tear fall down my cheek. I turned away from him. I wasn’t about to break. I was too stubborn.

"Liz," he sighed.

"Don’t! I’ve only asked for one night, Lucas. One! But it doesn’t matter anymore." I continued removing my shoes, earrings and necklace. Lucas snaked his arms around my waist. My back was flushed against his body. He slowly pushed my hair aside and kissed the crook of my neck. My body reacted to his touch and love. Traitor.

"It matters, baby. I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I swear it." He continued kissing my neck. I felt my body giving up to him. I was such a fool for him. I spun around in his arms and faced him, our foreheads flushed against each other’s. “I love you sweetheart.”

"I love you too." I smiled.  I loved how we always made up after a fight.  

"Liz, earth to Liz!" Adam waved his hand in front of my face. I wrapped my arms around myself. I had drifted into dream land and forgot all about Adam. I looked up to meet Adam’s curious green eyes staring back at me.

“I’m sorry. I went back to a memory of Lucas.” I didn’t know whether to cry or smile at the thought of my husband’s arms wrapped around me that night.

"I hate seeing you like this. I wish I could bring him back to you." Adam sighed. He gently stroked my cheeks. I let my eyes fluttered closed. The last man who touched me tenderly had been my husband and he was now gone. “Liz, I think…” Adan’s voice trailed. I opened my eyes to meet Adam’s piercing green ones. I couldn’t take their intensity. I pulled away from him and for the first time since that night, I stepped into Lucas’s office.

"What exactly are you looking for?" I asked as I took in the smell of musk that radiated through the office.

Adam cleared his throat and smiled weakly, “Lucas was working on the Royal's case the night he went missing.” He said calmly. I suppose he was waiting for my reaction. When he saw that I was still calm, he continued. “I need that file, Liz. I think there’s something that could lead me to a call I received earlier.” His eyes shifted to the ground. I walked up to him and lifted his chin. What was I doing? I shouldn’t be touching him, but my body and heart craved for touch and for love. We had both lost that along the way.

"The Royals? Wasn’t that case closed?" I felt my body begin to shiver. Lucas had gone missing after that case. Adam didn’t respond. “What aren’t you telling me?” I asked.

"The Royals case was closed, but there’s more to it than you can fathom." Adam’s vague response left me more confused than ever.

 “I don’t understand.”

 “I need those files, Liz. Please.” Adam sighed. He was holding something back, but I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what. I nod once and walk over to Lucas’s desk. I remember when he showed me the hidden draw underneath the regular draw. I carefully opened the cherry wood desk and smile at how neat Lucas kept it. I rummaged through the files and found the one file that changed our lives forever.

“Here” I handed the manila envelope to Adam.

“Thank you.” Adam quickly opened the envelope and began to read through the file. When his face went pale and his breath picked up, I knew something was terribly wrong.

"What?" I shuffled my feet towards him. Adam was so consume in what he was reading, I didn’t know if he even heard me. “Adam? What did you find?” I asked nervously.

“He’s alive!” Adam turned to face me. “Lucas is alive!”

Everything around me went dark...


3rd Entry 3/29/14

 

I could hear Adam’s pained voice calling out my name and the stroking of fingers on my cheeks. How long did he know about Lucas being alive? Why didn’t he just tell me the moment he walked into my house? I willed my eyes opened and was met with the pained look of Adam.

 “There you are.” He whispered. Adam turned slightly and grabbed the glass of water that sat beside him. He helped me sit up and handed me the glass. The water felt refreshing, but the pain in my heart was beginning to overtake my emotions. Tears began to run down my cheeks and the sobs followed.

 Adam sat beside me and pulled me into his arms. I remember the last time he did this. It was the night I got the news that my husband had died.

 **Flashback**

We had just gotten back from the beautiful service given to my now gone husband. The church was filled with family and friends of Lucas’s, he was well loved. His parents were devastated and understood how broken I was at the moment. I skipped the eulogy because I wasn’t sure how if I was strong enough, or maybe it was because deep down, I felt my husband was still alive. How could one say goodbye to someone you love, if inside that love isn’t dead? Maybe I was in denial, but I wasn’t alone in the way I felt.

"This doesn’t feel right.” Adam whispered to me as we entered Lucas’s parents’ home. I had yet to show any tears. Many might have thought I did love Lucas enough, or maybe they knew that my breaking point would come. I stared at Adam who had been my shoulder to lean on.

"What do you mean?” I asked.

 “I mean, why the closed casket? And you weren’t even called to identify the body. This doesn’t make sense.” Adam shook his head. I was so glad to not be alone in how I felt. I begged them to let me see the body, but they gave me the excuse that his body was unidentifiable. I never questioned it because according to the higher up, he had died in a fire.

 I didn’t have time to tell Adam what I thought because Mrs. Landon, Lucas’s mom, had pulled me aside to show me around to some guests. I just wanted to go home, curled up in my bed, and cry for the man that I would never see again. Many hours later, I was finally pulling up to my home, of course thanks to Adam who had pulled me out of the craziness that was my in laws home.

 I unlocked the door to my house and immediately felt the eerie silence all around my home. I took a deep breath, telling myself that I could do this, but truth was, I was dying a little inside. Even with the hope of feeling Lucas alive in me, I couldn’t keep lying to myself. I walked to the living where I bumped into the coffee table. I hated that damn thing because of it. It never belonged there, but Lucas wanted a spot for when he worked in the living while, I read beside him.

 I sat on the couch taking everything around me in, when my eyes landed on the one piece of item left behind by him. It was his Marines dog tags. I slowly grabbed them and suddenly felt my body shuddered; every tear I was holding in, came out like a floodgate. I sobbed so hard I thought I would faint. Suddenly, I felt arms wrap around me tightly. I had forgotten Adam was still here with me. Adam let me cry for hours to come.

 Once again Adam was by my side. “How do you know he’s alive?” I wiped at the fallen tears.

 Adam left my side and walked to where his jacked laid. He shuffled a few things around in his pocket until he found his phone. He sat beside me once again and looked through his phone. I wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but if I had to do with Lucas, he would surely tell me.

 “I got a call earlier today by someone with a thick Russian accent. I wasn’t sure what to make of it until they mentioned Royals and Agent Landon.” Adam sighed as he continued scrolling through his phone. I looked at him with a perplexed stare. I wasn’t understanding a word. What did this have to do with Lucas being alive?

"Adam,” I began. “What are you trying to tell me?” A new set of tears began to fall down my cheeks. Adam stroked them away as he placed the phone in my hands. I gasped the moment I saw what he was trying to search. In front of me was a picture of the man that I had lost a three years ago. His body looked fragile, the bruises on his stomach and chest told me he was being beaten every day. His hair was longer and the beard that adorned his face reminded me of a man who was too lazy to shave. But he wasn’t lazy nor was he in any shape to do anything on his own, the chains around his hands and feet told me so. I cried hard the moment I realize that it was my husband I was staring at.

 “Liz, I received that picture right after the call. He’s been held captive for three years.” Adam said softly. He was still waiting for my reaction.

 “How long have you known about this?” I asked.

 “I told you, this morning.” He said nervously. I was a ticking bomb and he knew that.

 “And you decided to show up at almost midnight to tell me!” I shout.

 “Liz, it wasn’t that simple. I had protocols to follow.” Adam said in defense. Protocol! Everything was a freaking protocol. That’s what got Lucas killed in the first place. But he wasn’t killed and the person we buried wasn’t him. I think about all of this and fall into a sobbing mess on the floor. As always, Adam is at my side and holding me tightly.

 “He’s alive, Adam. My Lucas is alive!” I cry. The more I cry, the more Adam holds me. After a while, I grab Adam’s phone and scroll back to the picture. I slowly trace my husband’s features. He was so fragile and he didn’t look like my Lucas at all. Adam stroked my hair and let me cry until I couldn’t anymore.

 “They want a trade.” Adam whispers. I look at his saddened eyes. I wasn’t sure what he was sad about, the fact that his best friend looked the way he did, or with the fact that I was a mess at the news.

 “What do you mean by a trade?” I asked but continued staring at Adam’s phone.

 “They’ve asked for Ivan Royals, in return for Lucas.” Adam says as he held his hand out for me.

 “Why aren’t they making the trade?” My heart began to pound furiously.

 

“It’s not that simple, Liz.” Adam paced in front of the packed boxes. “There are protocols…” I cut him off.

 “I can give two shits about protocols! It’s the reason why we thought Lucas was dead in the first place!” I feel my body tremble. Lucas gave so much time to the agency and this is how they were repaying him, by sitting around and following protocols?

 “Liz, I get that you’re upset. I am too, believe me. But this isn’t something to take lightly. We’ll be letting go of a Russian spy. The same one your husband, and my best friend, put away.” He sat beside me. Adam took the phone from my hands and put it in on the coffee table. I wanted to punch him for taking the only thing I needed at the moment, from me.

 “He’s your best friend. I can’t believe you’re not making them get him out.” I say softly. “I need time to process this.” I walked to the window and sighed. My Lucas, my love was alive, but obviously not well.

 “I understand. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Adam kissed the top of my head and left. When I turned around, I found myself with an empty room.

 I couldn't sleep that night. The image of Lucas was ingrained in my memory and all I could do is cry for my husband. How much did he endure? How did we not see this happening? I knew I had a feeling he was alive, but being torture wasn’t living. I grabbed the picture as I always did and trace the smile on Lucas’s face. “Gah, baby. I can’t understand why they aren’t picking you up at this moment. I never understood protocols, but if Adam is your best friend, I know that he’ll find you.”

                                                                         **

The days passed by slowly, but I kept myself busy to endure the pain of knowing my husband was alive, but I couldn’t have him with me. I even ignored Adam’s calls. I knew it was immature thing to do, especially when it most likely had to do with Lucas’s reappearance, but I couldn’t bare knowing we had to follow protocols.

 

I took one last look at my home and sigh, would Lucas be upset for me selling our first home? We never got to fill it with a piece of us both, a baby. Every time I thought about never having a baby with the love of my life, my heart would break even more. Lucas, like myself, was an only child and the moment we got married we vowed to have at least four kids. Lucas wanted more, but we compromised after many long hours of playful banters. Now, I would never know if that day would ever happen for us. I continued filling the boxes with all of Lucas’s work documents when the doorbell rang through the silent house. I had a dejavu as I walked to the door and prayed Adam wasn’t on the other side of that door.

 I swung the door opened and froze in place. Two men with sharp navy blue suits stared back at me. One of the man had a smug look on his face and was easily six foot tall and appeared to be older than the other man standing beside him. The younger, handsome man smiled at me, but quickly masked it. I wasn’t sure what was happening, but the older man gave me a really bad vibe.

 

“May I help you?” I asked. The older man licked his lips, making me swallow thickly.

 

“We are looking for Mrs. Elizabeth Landon?” The young man said. He had sort of an accent but I couldn’t make out at the moment what it was.

 

“I am her. What’s this about?” Before I could register what was happening older man pulled me into hold. I tried fighting him off, but I lost miserably. My tears began to fall heavily down my cheeks and the last thing I saw were the young man’s beautiful blue eyes.

                                                                         **

The smell of musk and metal woke me from my slumber. My eyes easily adjusted to the room I found myself in due to the lack of lights. My bladder was protesting, but my nerves wouldn’t let me move. Where was I? I sat up only to find my legs had been chained to a steel beam.

 

“What the hell?” I whispered. Who were these people? Why was in here? Against my better judgment I began to call out. “Hello! I need some help in here!” I shouted. Unfortunately no one answered. My body was still weak from whatever was put on my face to make me sleep so I sat back down and prayed for Adam to find me.

 My eye lids began to feel heavy with every memory running through my mind.

**flashback** 

It was the first time we ever said I love you to one another, after a huge blowout at a friend’s party. The night was cold and the sky was ready to burst with rain. I ran out of the party knowing Lucas would be pissed at my not so subtle move with Jacob. I walked down the rocky path and stood in front of Lucas’s car, his eyes were filled with tears as they mirrored my own. It took him exactly two minutes before the engine cut off and Lucas jumped out of his car. I slowly walked up to him and frowned when he took two steps back.

 “What?” He whispered.

 “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about me and Jacob.” It was killing me seeing the tears falling down my best friend’s face.

“It doesn’t matter.” His shoulders slumped. No longer did he look like the strong and confident Lucas.

“Yes, it does. I’ve hurt you, Lucas. I’m…”I stopped when his eyes narrowed at me.

“Look, I really should get home. I have practice tomorrow.” He said as he opened the door to his car.

“I love you!” I blurted out. A thunder roared in the distance. Shit. Rain was coming and it was coming fast. Lucas froze shaking his head at what came out of my lips. He knew I loved him, after all he was my best friend. But this ‘I love you’ was different for me. I stepped closer to Lucas. I could feel the heat radiating through him, even though he wore a jacket. I placed my hand on his shoulder and felt the electricity coursing through my body.

“Please, Liz, don’t do this.” The pain in his voice was killing me. I slowly made him turn around to face me. His beautiful blue eyes, eyes that made you forget everything around you, were filled with sadness.

“I. Love. You.” I breathed out. I wasn’t sure if it was the way I said it, or if he saw it in my eyes, but his lips crashed down on mine and everything around me was forgotten.

 I was jolted awake from my beautiful memory. I felt the tears on my cheeks. I slowly wiped them.

 

“Well, well, you’re finally up.” A dark voice spoke. My eyes cringed at the brightness of the room. The older man who grabbed me at my home stood before me. Instinct kicked in, my body moved back hitting against the wall. I was cornered by the sick bastard before me.

 

“Leave the girl alone, Demetri.” The young man whose name I had yet to learn walked in. In his hands he held a tray with food. I wasn’t hungry, but the moment my eyes saw the food, my stomach grumbled.

 “Why? She looks tasty and after I have my way with her, he’ll never want her back.” Demetri grinned. I felt sick to my stomach. Please don’t let this man touch me. I prayed.

 “I said enough!” The young man snapped. I flinched. I was shocked at how he went from poised to piss off in a moment. “Now, go and guard the door. No one is to come in here.” He spat. Demetri gave him a murderous look but did as he was told. He walked away mumbling something in another language. It sounded Russian. And my paranoia took over. Russians. I was being held captive by Russians. The door closed and I was left alone with the man whose eyes reminded me of my husbands.

 “I’m sorry about Demetri. He forgets his place in our family.” He smiled. Even his smile was contagious. I couldn’t find my voice. He must have notice. “My name is Andrei.” He placed the tray on the table before us. He pointed at the empty chair in front of him. I begged my legs to move, but they wouldn’t cooperate. Andrei smiled and sat on the opposite chair. Why was he being so polite?

 “I’m not hungry.” I lied. I moved to the empty bed beside me. Andrei frowned and rose from the chair. I flinched, but didn’t cowered away when he sat beside me. For some unknowing reason to me, he screamed trust. Maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me.

 “Elizabeth, I’m not here to harm you. I’m sorry for the way Demetri took you, it wasn’t part of the plan.” He shook his head. I was so confused. What was he talking about?

 “I don’t understand.” I felt my tears betraying me. Andrei raised his hand and stroked my tears away. An electricity shot through me. I shot up from the bed.

 “I’m sorry.” He whispered. Without another word he rose from the bed and walked towards the door. Before he opened it, he looked back and smiled sadly at me. “For what is worth, he never forgot you.” And with that he walked out.

 I was so damn confused. Who didn’t forget me? And what the hell was I doing here? Why did I feel a shock course through me the moment Andrei touched me? It was the same feeling I had whenever Lucas touched me. “God, baby, I miss you.” I whispered. Adam needed to hurry up and find me. I don’t think staying here was an option for me.

 

4th Entry 4/2/14

I was used to silence around me, but the silence in the small room was driving me mad. I huffed and walked the small distance to the door. I knocked lightly hoping someone was on the other side. A pretty girl appeared on the other side, she was petite with hazel eyes, and a smile that could light up a room. I opened my mouth and shut it again. Why did I knock?

“You need something?” She bounced on her feet. I nodded. “Okay, what is it?” Her Russian accent was very thick.

“I need to use the bathroom.” I smiled at her.

 "Oh, ok. I’ll have to get Demetri.” She started to walk away.

 "Please, no!” I shouted. “Andrei, please ask Andrei.” What the hell was I doing?

 "Oh, but Demetri is on guard. He stepped away for a minute. That’s why I’m here.” She said nervously. “Plus, Andrei isn’t here at the moment. He’s on a mission.” She smiled shyly.

 Every hope I had of seeing Andrei tonight rushed out of me. Seriously Liz, get a grip. The guy is the enemy. “Ok.” I frowned.

A few moments later pretty girl appeared with a key and without Demetri. A big smile spread across my face. “I was able to get the keys without Demetri’s knowing.” She giggled.

 “Thank you.” I smiled at her.

 “No problem. I can’t stand how intimidating my brother can be.” She shook her head. So she was Demetri’s sister. They didn’t look anything alike. Maybe they had different mothers. “I’m Milana, but you can call me Mila.”

 “I’m Elizabeth, but you can call me Liz.” I liked her. Milana smiled touched her ears. Milana led me down a bright corridor, it was weird to see since the room I was in had been so dark. Milana stopped in front of a red fancy door. She opened it to reveal a beautifully decorated bathroom. I gasped at how beautiful it was, the damn thing put my master bedroom to shame. Milana closed the door behind us making me jump.

“I’m sorry.” Mila walked towards a linen closet that was built in the bathroom. She took two towels out and sat them on the counter. “You can freshen up. I’m sure you’re dying to.” She said as she looked through each cabinet, finding female products and setting them on the counter. When clothes were put on the counter my stomach dropped. How did they have everything I would need here?

“Mila?” I began nervously. Mila stopped and looked up at me. “Am I staying here forever?” I tried sounding brave.

“Honestly?” She asked. I nodded. “I don’t know. Andrei has a plan, but I’m never told what they are.” She shrugged.

“Andrei, is he your brother?” I asked. Her eyes went wide and her lip made its way between her teeth.

“No, he’s the boss.” Her cheeks reddened. I took a step closer to her. I knew that look anywhere. She liked Andrei.

“You like him?” It wasn’t a question. Mila smile but it faded just as quickly.

 “Yes, but it doesn’t matter. He has someone.” She turned the shower on for me. I didn’t press on, I knew what it did to someone’s pride.

 Before I could enjoy my freedom I was back in the dark room, only this time I didn’t have the chain around my feet. Mila felt it was unnecessary and assured me she would set Demetri straight. I didn’t want her to get in trouble, however, I was grateful the metal item wasn’t stopping me from moving around. I paced back and forth, wondering why I was still inside this hell hole.

“I see you still haven’t eaten.” I jumped at the sound of his voice. Andrei’s blue iris took my appearance in. “I see Mila made you shower.” He chuckled. I was still in shock at how he’d sneaked in without my notice. Only one person was capable of that. I took him in. Andrei wore a white button down shirt, the sleeves were rolled up at his elbows. The dark denim jeans he wore hung loosely below his hip bone and the tattoo that peeked under his sleeves made me lick my lips. What the hell? I covered my face in an attempt to hide my blush, but I knew he caught me.

 I took a deep breath to calm my nerves down. Why were women’s hormones such traitors? When I felt comfortable enough, I removed my hands from my face and smiled at Andrei.

“I’m sorry. I haven’t been myself in a long time.” I sat on the bed. Andrei followed and sat beside me.

“It’s okay. I haven’t been myself in over a year now.” He winked at me. Why did this man scream trust and lust at the same time? For crying out loud, I am married to a wonderful man. A man who has been missing for over three years. A small tear escaped my eyes. “Please, don’t cry. I’m not here to harm you?” He stroked my tear away. That shock touched the depth of my soul. I closed my eyes and relished in the feel of it.

 “Why am I here, Andrei?” I looked at his beautiful blue eyes. Andrei cleared his throat but didn’t answer my question. Instead, he took my hand and dragged me down the same corridor Mila had. “What are you doing? You’ll get in trouble.” I whispered, I didn’t want Demetri to hear me.

Andrei chuckled, but continued dragging me.

 We stopped at a door similar to the one of the bathroom, only this one was blue and seemed to need a key to enter it. Andrei worked quickly with the lock and pulled me in with him. I gasped as soon as the lights came on. The room was huge. In the middle of the room was a king size canopy bed lifted on a platform sort of thing. But out of all the decoration what caught my attention were the double doors that lead to a private balcony. Andrei watched me in awe as I took in the room. I had never seen anything like it. Not even when I lived in New York at the Trump Plaza.

“You like it?” Andrei asked nervously. I nodded ‘yes’. “Good, you’ll be staying here from now on.” He smiled. I gasped. This would be my room. I didn’t understand. My shock must have registered because Andrei laughed hard and my God did it make me melt.

“I thought- I was going to be your prisoner.” My eyes drifted to the ceiling fan. Warmth suddenly surrounded me. Andrei pulled my chin down making my eyes land on his. I felt the moisture in my eyes, but I willed the tears away.

 “Never a prisoner!” His eyes were hard. Somehow I believed him. Was I too trusting? Maybe, but he was the only one aside from Mila to treat me so good. “You’re here for reasons I can’t tell you, Elizabeth. But I promise when the time is right, you will find out.” His lips connected with my cheek. I took a deep breath to calm myself. Everything about this man made my body yearn for his touch.

“Okay, but can I make a small request?” I waited for an outburst from him, but it never came.

“Anything you want, beautiful.” He whispered. Shit. I was going to be in a lot of trouble.

 “Can Mila be my guard? I really don’t trust-” I began but was cut off by Andrei.

 “No need to ask. I’ve assigned Demetri to another site. He won’t be bothering you. I’m sorry for what you had to endure from him. But there are things you won’t understand at the moment. I promise you that one day you will. I just hope when that day comes you don’t hate me or Mila.” Andrei’s breathing hitched. I could see the anger building within him. I remember when Lucas became angry, he reacted the same way. Did every man act this way?

 I took Andrei’s hand in mine. Andrei looked stunned, but took my invitation. “I can’t promise not to hate you. But I will forever be grateful at how good you’ve been to me.” I tiptoed and placed a kiss a on his cheek.

“He was a lucky man.” Andrei mumbled. I pulled back and gave him a quizzical look.

“Who was a lucky man?” I asked. Did I really want to know?

“Your husband,” he began. “He was a lucky man.” Andrei walked towards the balcony. He knew Lucas? How? When? What? I followed suit. This wasn’t going to be over so easily. 

 “You know my husband?” I stopped right behind him. He looked up at the sky. The night was filled with stars and the moon gave its usual light. “Andrei? Did you know Lucas?” I began to cry. Andrei turned around to face me. He nodded slowly.

“You knew my Lucas? Oh God, it was you! You killed him! You’re part of the Royals!” I sobbed. I was really stupid. I was crushing on the man who might have been responsible for my husband’s disappearance. That’s why I was here. I was his prize and he would show me to everyone. Oh God! I dropped to the floor and wrapped my arms around myself. I didn’t fail to notice the mortified look on Andrei’s face. Something in him snapped and he leaped to me.

“No, no. It’s not like that.” He took my face in his hands. My tears stormed down drastically and my chest was beginning to hurt. “I told you there are things you can’t know at the moment.”

“But…you…and he’s…my Lucas.” I continued to cry. Andrei pulled me into his arms and let me sob. This was why he wanted me to promise, but how could I forgive him.

 “Your husband…” Andrei began.

 “Is dead.” I whispered unable to say anything else.

The days passed by without my noticing. I couldn’t tell you what day it was because I was still coming to terms with Lucas’s death. Everything had been a lie around me. Adam would be searching for someone who was long gone. The CIA would possibly be letting go of one of the biggest Russian spy ever known to men. And here I was living under the roof of said spy family.

Andrei and Mila came on a daily basis to bring me food and new clothes, but I didn’t want any of it. My love, best friend and husband was dead. Why did I need to live? I didn’t deserve to. I watched as the waves hit against the shore with full force. I knew a storm was coming you could practically smell it in the air.

“Hello Sunshine!” Mila bumped hips with me. I gave her a small smile like I always did. “We are having a ball. You’re coming.” She waited for my reaction. However, I was so numb, I didn’t care about anything anymore. “I know you’re angry with him, but he means well. I think you should let him explain.” Mila always tried to cover for Andrei. I didn’t care about anything lets alone an explanation.

“He killed my husband. My love.” I felt the tears begin again. “How do I forgive that?” I walked back to the room that had become mine.

“I understand what you’re saying, but he didn’t kill Lucas.” She whispered. I looked up at her. This was the first time she ever mention Lucas’s name.

“You knew him too?” I waited for her answer. Mila’s eyes danced around the room. “Mila?” I pushed.

“Ok, yes, I did. When he got here I took care of him. I never left his side. Please, don’t ask me no more. I’ve already said enough.” She grabbed a large box sitting on my bed. Mila opened the box making us both gasp. “Wow. He really outdid himself.” Mila smiled.  

The dress was something I would never be able to afford. It sparkled from top to bottom in a beautiful sophisticated way; the silver dress shone all over. Its bodice held a heart shape form that stopped below the breast area. The gown was to die for.

“It is beautiful,” I mumbled.

“But?” Mila whispered.

“But I can’t go. I can’t face him just yet.” I sat back down on the bed. Mila laid the dress neatly on my bed with its matching shoes. She stroked my messy hair.

“You need to get out of here. You are not a prisoner. You have been cooped up in here for a month. It’s time for fresh air.”

“A month?” I shot up from the bed. I had been out of it for a month. I was already missing for a month. I wondered if Adam was still looking for me.

 “Yes, a month. Now, get in the shower, I’ll help you get ready.” She rummage through the dresser. I assumed looking for some lingerie. I let her do whatever it was that she did.

 In the shower I had a lot of time to think. Did I face this head on? Did I make a plan to escape? But that would never work. I was certain about Andrei having security on every corner of this place that seemed to be a mansion. The heat of the water hit my back bringing every muscle to relax. I had to face reality, Lucas was never coming back no matter what Adam thought. Would he care to find me? Did I care if he did? I didn’t deserve to live. Why even care if he found me? A soft knock brought me out of my thoughts.

“Sunshine, I’ll be right back. I’m going to get my gown and a few items for us.” Mila shouted over the sound of the water.

“Ok,” My voice thick with emotions.

Like promised, Mila came back with her gown plus other crap, I didn’t even bother asking what they were. I laughed when she tried to balance everything in her arms. For a small girls she was pretty good at multitasking. I sat in front of the vanity waiting for her to finish my hair. I told her, I was pretty capable of doing so myself, but she insisted. We talked a lot, which was surprising to me.

 Mila told me she was Demetri’s half-sister, just like I thought. Mila’s mother passed away when Mila was only a child, leaving all responsibility to her father. When she turned sixteen her father die and custody was turned over to her older brother Demetri. Mila didn’t like living with him, but she understood he was the only one who could protect her from every other vulture. By the time we were both ready, I had learned so much from her. I could make a friend in her.

“Thank you for telling me your story.” I pulled her into a hug. The twenty year old girl before me began to cry. I vowed to protect her at all cost. Even if my life depended on it.

“You’re welcome.” She dabbed her eyes. “Ok, no more tears. Let’s go enjoy the evening.” She grabbed my arm and our masks.

We walked hand in hand down the corridor with a smile on our faces. Mila stopped in front of the elevator and pressed the button to go down. I questioning how big this place must have been. Instead, I began to learn the patterns around me in case I would need to use an escape later on. The elevators were as classy as the corridors and the rooms. Only they had mirrors all around. I took good look at myself in the mirror not knowing where the real Liz went.

“Put the mask on,” Mila pulled her mask over. I mimic her. My mask matched my dress to perfection. Andrei had gone a long way to make me feel special, but I couldn’t let my guard down in front of him. I was too vulnerable and anything he might say or do would probably bring me to my knees. “Ready to be the envy of every wife and girlfriend tonight?” Mila giggled.

“No,” I breathed out at the same time I took the ballroom in. It was all decorated like the phantom of the opera. The stairwell were wide enough to fit at least five couples and its marble touch reminded of a museum. Everything looked stunning. “Wow,” I said.

“I know!” Mila pulled me along. She smiled and greeted a few guest along the way. I was too entranced by the atmosphere that I barely caught everyone’s name. “There you are!” Mila’s voice brought me back. I did a double take. In front of us stood the most handsome man since my Lucas. His hair was combed neatly, with a small part on its side. His suit screamed money and the ‘phantom of the opera’ mask made me putty before him.

“Hello, pretty girl.” He took Mila’s hand and kissed it like a true gentleman.

“Hello to you, Sir.” Mila giggled like a school girl. I laughed at her silliness and they both stared back at me with an amused look. “Andrei, is always the gentleman.” She pulled me forward. It was Andrei? But he didn’t look like himself. He looked like…

“Hello, beautiful.” Andrei took my hand and gently kissed it. I gave him a small smile. I was still at a loss on what to feel.

 “Hi.” I whispered. I felt my tears beginning to burn, but I pushed them far down. I would not cry tonight.

I turned around to look for Mila, but she had already abandoned me. Traitor. I fixed my mask, the stupid thing kept moving to the side. Andrei saw me struggling and offered to help. I conceded, but regretted it the moment his fingers traced the length of my neck. Andrei let out a sighed and worked at with the tie of my mask.

“There, much better.” He whispered in my ear.

“Thank you.” I looked over my shoulder. My body was vibrating from the electricity that radiated between us. Damn you traitor body.

"May I have this dance?" Andrei extended his hand in a courteous way. I wanted to tell him to go to hell, but chances were he already knew that. So against my better judgment, I accepted. This night was about to be longer than I wanted it to be.

Entry 5 4/19/14

Things seemed unreal as I danced in the arms of the man who killed my husband. This wasn’t my world, yet I had to live in order to save my life. But for what? I should be dead and buried with the love of my life. I continued to look at the couples around me. Mila was right, I was the envy of the night. Every girl stared down at me and every men sneaked a glance when their girlfriends or wives weren’t looking. It was pitiful if you’d ask me. Every women in the room had something that made them beautiful. I was average, but I understood that I was fresh meat. Andrei twirled me around the moment a note dropped and brought me closer to his body. I hated the vibrations coursing through me because of him. I didn’t belong in his arms.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked.

“How I’m dancing with the man who killed my husband.” I gave him a murderous look. The asshole had the nerve to laugh at my face. I stopped moving and pulled away. Not caring if I made a scene or not, I ran out of the ballroom. Door after door I tried to open, but to no avail. Then I saw it, the beautiful room adorned with a huge piano. My mind began to run wild and I pictured myself on his lap while he played me a song.

“Focus!” I said to myself. I cringed when my untalented fingers stroked each key. “I suck.” I giggled.

“I could show you.” His voice startled me. I turned around to find a very amused Andrei. He didn’t sport the mask from earlier, making him look more handsome than I remember. He didn’t seem mad at me for walking away from him which made me nervous.

“I was never good with instruments.” I shrugged.

“I know.” He chuckled. I looked at him confused. “Lucas might have mentioned it.” He simply shrugged.

“So, you became buddies with him, to then kill him?”

“Elizabeth,” he said in a warning tone.

“What? I at least deserve to know what happened. Did he suffer? What were his last words?” I continued. I was tired of avoiding the subject. I did that for three years. Andrei sat on the piano bench.

“He did suffer, for you. I helped him, along with Mila. I think she secretly loved him. Probably still does.” He began to stroke the keys. A beautiful melody broke through the room. “He never shut up about you. How beautiful and smart you were. How he couldn’t live without you. How he wanted to give you babies, but you both wanted to wait a few years. But he lied about everything,” He stopped stroking the keys.  Andrei rose and stalked to me and held my face in his hands.

“What- do you mean he lied?” My voice stammered.

“You’re not beautiful, you’re far beyond that. You’re not smart, you’re a genius. You’re amazing, Elizabeth and I’m going to make sure you know that every day of your life.” Andrei’s lips crashed down on mines. Andrei’s lips continued tasting mine against my own will. But I was frozen in place to even push him off of me. It had been so long since anyone kissed me with such passion and want. My resolution was slowly breaking.

My hands found their way up Andrei’s neck. I wanted to strangle him, but instead my fingers threated through his beautifully combed hair. I pulled him closer to me as if that were possible. I moved my lips in sync with his. I couldn’t believe what I was doing, but his kiss was doing things to me, things I had only longed for so long.

Our moans and kisses filled the room. “Fuck!” Andrei pulled back. Our panting mirrored each other’s.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered.

“No, I should be the one apologizing.” He stood at his full length before me. Andrei removed my mask. “I can’t do this, Elizabeth.” He sighed. “Things could get ugly pretty fast. Please, forgive me.” His forehead rested on mines. I couldn’t tell what he was apologizing for, if it was for the kiss or for being a murderer. Either way, if I wanted to move on, I had to start with something.

My fingers traced his features, they were so familiar in a strange way.

“I forgive you,” I whispered against his lips. Andrei pulled my face making our lips crash with one another. Everything around me faded into oblivion, and it scared me that I didn’t care.

I pulled back to look at his gorgeous face. He reminded me so much of Lucas. In some sick way I felt connected to him.

“What?” His smile was so beautiful.

“You remind me of him,” I closed my eyes. No man would ever want to be compared to another man. Andrei’s body tensed once I said those words. I looked up at him and smiled. “But you’re not. And this scares me.” I motioned between us.

I walked around the room. It a Victorian sort of vibe. To be honest nothing around seemed to scream Russian mafia.

“If it helps, I’m scared as well.” Andrei’s lips caressed my neck. I melted onto his touch. This man might have known my husband, but there was no way Lucas would tell him what turned me on.

“You always loved this,” He whispered against my neck. I jumped back at his words. Andrei’s eyes danced nervously as if he had said too much.

“How-” I shook my clouded thoughts. “How did you know that?” My eyes began to moist. Andrei looked mortified, but lucky for him, Mila interrupted us.

“There you both are!” She waltzed in the room with a glass of champagne in her hand. Mila gave us a sly smile. Did she know what we had done?

Ignoring her stares, I grabbed the glass of champagne from her hand. “Thank you!” I giggled. Mila gave me a ‘what the hell’ look.

I sat on the sand not caring whether the dress I wore got damaged or not. The waves against the shore. The night was beautiful, but the thunders continued to prove that a storm was on its way. I shouldn’t have run out on Mila or Andrei, but I was suffocating. I couldn’t have these feelings for the man responsible for my husband’s death. I stood up and walked towards the water. I couldn’t remember the last time my feet touched the ocean.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” A voice I knew froze me in my spot. I slowly turned around to find an amused Demetri before me. “I see you’re living the life.” He said moving closer to me. I couldn’t get my legs to move.

“What are you doing here?” I didn’t let my voice tremble. I was safe. Andrei was only a few feet away. I was safe.

“I came to see you.” Demetri’s eyes looked determined.

“What could you possibly want with me?” I begged my legs to start walking. They finally decided to listen. I walked past him, but he was faster than me. Demetri grabbed my arm pulling me close to him.

“There’s a lot I want with you, but it will have to wait.” He stroked my cheek. I felt disgusted. “You have the truth right in front of you and you don’t even care.” He laughed.

“What are you talking about?” I felt my tears betraying me.

“Oh, you don’t know?” Demetri found humor in my question. “The man that you’ve fallen in love with, is not the man you think he is. His name is not Andrei. His name is Lucas Aiden Landon, your husband!” Demetri’s features hardened. No, that’s impossible. There was no way Andrei would lie to me like that. I pulled away from his hold and panted as my anger rose.

“You’re lying!” I smacked him. Demetri smiled snidely and pulled me against his chest. I tried to fight him off like that night he took me, but I knew it would be hopeless.

“I don’t ever lie. I may be a bastard, but a liar, I am not!” He held my face in his disgusting sweaty ones.

“That’s not true.” I continued crying. “Why are you doing this to me?” I sobbed.

“You women are so pathetic!” Demetri pushed me to the sand. I fell on my side. I cringed the moment my ribs smacked against a rock. Demetri knelt in front of me. “I will not rest until he has paid. He put my family behind bars, I will make sure his sweetheart sees him die this time around.” Demetri’s fingers stroked the length of my legs. I felt the bile rising in my throat. “Do me a favor, tell your lover that I’ll be in contact.” He rose. “Oh, and as for my sister, she’ll pay for falling in love with a traitor.” With that he turned around and walked away into the night.

I pushed myself off the ground. The last couple of week’s events continued to play in my head. Was Andrei lying to me? Was he really Lucas? Why would Lucas lie to me? God, what the hell was happening?

My sobs continued as I walked towards the mansion. As soon as my feet hit the marble floor I collapsed into someone’s arms. The last thing I saw were beautiful blue irises. “Lucas” I whispered.

***

My body was covered in goosebumps, the wind had picked up and the thunders roared louder than I had ever heard them before. I pulled the duvet tighter over my body. I cried out from the pain in my ribs. “Shh, it’s okay, beautiful” his voice was filled with pain.

My eyes shot open, beside me laid the man that could possibly hold every truth and lie told to me. I shot up into a sitting position and quickly rushed out of bed. Andrei, Lucas, fuck, who knew, stared at me with a confused look. I held my side from the pain shooting down my rib. I was certain it was fracture.

“What’s wrong, beautiful?” Andrei was at my side so fast. I pushed away from me. “Elizabeth?” He continued. I shook my head. I had to know the truth.

 “Don’t call me beautiful. You don’t get to call me that!” I rasped. God, my voice sounded terrible.

“What’s wrong?” He raised his hand to stroke my cheeks, but thought better.

“Who are you?” My tears began to fall down my cheeks. Andrei didn’t answer. He seemed confused by my question. “I said, who are you?” I shouted. I regretted it the moment my ribs ached.

“You know who I am.” Andrei said. I wanted to smack him. Why was he still lying to me?

“You’re lying!” I shouted.

“What happened to you the other night, at the beach?” He asked. The other night? How long have I been out for? I ignored his question. He wasn’t answering mines, I wouldn’t answer his.

“Please, go.” My lips trembled. “Please.” I begged. Andrei took a step closer to me. This time I didn’t pull away from him. Andrei pulled me into his arms where I broke down.

“Would you tell me what happened at the beach?” Andrei said softly. We were laying on my bed wrapped in each other’s arms. I didn’t have it me to fight anymore.

“Demetri paid me a visit.” I said softly. Andrei’s body tensed.

“What- what did he say?” I could tell he was trying to keep his composure.

“That the truth was in front of me.” I closed my eyes remembering every single touch and word Andrei had spoken to me.

“Did he do this to you?” He gently traced his fingers down my ribs. I nodded. “I’ll kill him!” Andrei jumped out of bed. I moaned in pain.

“I’m sorry, beautiful. I’m so sorry.” He was at my side just as fast.

“I’m okay.” I felt my tears giving way again.

“What else did he say?” Andrei pulled my chin up. His eyes were tormented, so but so tormented.

“That- you weren’t you.” I waited for what he would say, but he didn’t even flinch. I took his silence as an opportunity to continue. “That you were my Lucas,” I reached out to stroke his cheeks. Andrei sighed and looked away. “He also said he would stop at nothing until he made you pay for putting his family behind bars. And that I would see you die all over again, only this time it would be certain.” Andrei’s eyes landed on mine. I couldn’t tell what was going through his mind.

“Lucas?” I whispered his name with so much reverence. A smile broke on his face.

 

 

Entry 6 5/8/14

 

A loud pounding brought me and Andrei out of our current bubble. I had waited for him to tell me he truly was Lucas, but that moment never came. Perhaps, I was way over my head thinking this man could be my husband. “Stay here” Andrei placed a kiss on my forehead. I smiled and leaned against the headboard. My rib continued to throb.

“Andrei!” Mila shouted. She sounded desperate. Andrei opened the door to find a bewildered Mila. She slammed into his chest sobbing.

“Hey, what's wrong?” He soothed her back. I looked at their exchange, it didn’t bother me. Then again, why should it bother me? He wasn’t mine. However, the way he held her was in a brotherly way, and I wondered if Mila noticed his heart already belonged to someone else. Because I sure as hell could read it all over him.

 

I tried moving. I wanted to give them privacy, but the throbbing pain in my rib caused me to lean against the headboard. I closed my eyes with the hopes of falling into a deep sleep and perhaps never waking up.

“Demetri came back and tried taking me with him! I fought like you taught me.” Mila's sobs continued.

“When did he come back?” He pulled her to the couch.

“This morning,” she whispered. Mila's eyes landed on me, a small smile spread across her face, but her attention turned back to Andrei. Mila stared at him with loving eyes and something else I couldn’t define.

“It's okay.” He smiled at her. “I have to take care of some things. Pack a few bags with whatever you both need. We are moving to the east house.” He planted a tender kiss on her forehead.

 

“Doctor will be in soon to check out her ribs.” Mila stated. Andrei thanked her and send her to pack.

Andrei walked up to me. I raised an eyebrow at him. He smiled his beautiful smile at me. “Are we jealous, Mrs. Landon?” Was I that readable? I knew Mila had a crush on him, but Andrei didn’t belong to me. I was not going to go down that route with those thoughts. He climbed on the bed, his eyes darkened with each movement.  I moved back laughing but hit my back against the headboard.

“Ouch!” I winced when my ribs protested.

“You okay?” Andrei asked. His voice had so much concern in it. I nodded. “Good. C'mere,” he pulled me onto his lap. I felt something in me awakened. Everything about this man screamed, Lucas, however I had to give up that idea. Andrei took me by surprise when his lips crashed down on mines, and without a care he kissed me hard. The kiss was so deep I felt it in my soul.

 

My mind couldn’t process everything that was happening. I pulled away from him and climbed off the bed. I regretted moving that fast due to the pain in my ribs, but I couldn’t continue giving in to him. Why did his kiss taste familiar? Yes, I had kissed him before, but somehow this time around, it was different. And that scared me.

 

“What's wrong?” Andrei walked up to me. The concern stare he gave made me feel terrible for leading him on. “Liz?” He snaked his arms around me. He kissed that soft spot behind my ear; it made my insides melt. I closed my eyes relishing in the moment, but reality quickly set in.

“I can't lie to you, Andrei.” I pulled away from him. I turned around to face him. “I can't pretend to be okay with everything. I lost my husband three years ago. I find out he’s alive, but then find out he’s really not. And there’s the fact that you are his killer.” My tears were making their way down my cheeks. Andrei stepped closer as I took two steps back. “That kiss was a mistake.” I whispered. Andrei looked like someone had punched the air out of him.

 

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Andrei’s voice hardened. “I have to run some errands. Be ready to go in an hour.” He moved to kiss my cheek, but turned around and walked away.

 

***

A deafening silence fell on the ride to the east house. Andrei hadn’t said a word since leaving my room. Not that I could blame him. I had given hope just to take them away from him. To many, I would be a ‘tease.’ I sat in the back seat quietly while Mila looked at Andrei with dreamy eyes, and then glare at me.

 

“What’s up with you two?” Mila finally spoke.

 

“NOTHING!” We said unison. Mila gave us a ‘you don’t fool me’ look, but didn’t push. Andrei smiled, but quickly recovered. I on the other hand felt my heart sink. How was it possible for me to start falling for another man? Especially when that man killed my husband. It is why I had to keep my distance and not let him in, any more than I already had.

 

In my daydreaming stupor, I missed when we arrived at a small hidden cottage. The place had a garden filled with lots of colorful flowers. If the inside looked anywhere near the outside, then someone please hand me the keys to this place. We all walked silently towards the cottage. I smiled as I passed through the garden, it reminded me of my own place back at home. Home, what was that? I frowned.

 

“Are you okay?” Andrei broke our silence. I gave him a small nod. I had to show him I was fine. Andrei’s frown told me he didn’t believe me. I had to ignore him, otherwise I would be begging him to hold me.

 

“If you two are done with the google eyes, then let’s go in. I’m tired and starved.” Mila said as she passed by us. I didn’t miss the glare she once again gave me. I knew she liked Andrei, but that wasn’t any reason for her to give me an attitude. It wasn’t my fault the man kept pursuing me.

The cottage was obviously smaller than the main house. It had only two bedrooms making me wonder what our sleeping arrangements would be. The living room was small but cozy and it had a furry carpet in front of a beautiful white fireplace. I continued to walk around the small space when my eyes caught the sight of a beautiful, fully equipped kitchen; it was opened and adorned with red appliances. Memories of the night I made three different cakes assaulted my thoughts. A tear escaped from my eye, I quickly wiped it as it fell.

 

“Are you alright?” Andrei stood on the other side of the room. His eyes were soft and filled with so much love. I shook my head ‘no’ because in all honesty I was seconds from falling apart. I missed my husband. Another tear fell from my eyes, this time I let it roll down my cheeks. Andrei walked up to me, pulled me into his chest and held me tightly.

 

“I miss him so much. I know it’s been three years, but ti doesn’t make it easier to understand or accept.” I continued to cry.

 

“You don’t know how sorry I am, Liz. I swear-” He paused. I looked up to meet his eyes. Andrei stared ahead without even blinking. I followed his sight and froze. Before us stood the man that was making our lives miserable at the moment: Demetri. Andrei pushed me behind him without saying a word. His body shielded me from Demetri. I fisted the back of his shirt. I was not about to let him go. He could protect me, but I would never let him get hurt.

 

“Isn’t this lovely.” Demetri spoke. Andrei’s muscles flexed. Demetri didn’t even flinched at the way Andrei flexed his fists. Demetri was bigger and meaner looking than Andrei, but if Andrei was the man who killed my husband, then there must be a beast inside of him. What was I even thinking falling for this man? Did that make me a terrible person? Or did it make me a stupid one? Maybe both?

 

“What do you want, Demetri?” Andrei’s posture relaxed some.

 

“You know what, or I should say, who I’m here for.” Demetri’s eyes zeroed on mines. I fisted Andrei’s shirt harder as if it were possible.

 

Andrei let a ‘you’re crazy’ laughter out. “Over my dead body!” Andrei snapped. Demetri reached into his jacket revealing a shiny silver gun. I didn’t know what brand or size bullets it carried, all I knew was that it was a damn gun.

 

“As you please!” Demetri pointed the gun at Andrei. Something in me snapped. I loosened my grip and moved in front of Andrei.

 

“Please don’t! I’ll go with you, but please don’t kill him.” I begged through tears. I was begging for the life of the man who took my husband’s away. I begged because it’s what I would have done if it were Lucas.

“The hell you’re not!” Andrei pulled at my arm. He spun me around to face him. Anger, hurt and pain flashed through his eyes. “I can’t…I can’t…lose you.” He whispered.

 

“Oh, please. You are both disgusting.” Demetri still pointed the gun at us. “If you’re both done,” he continued to point the gun at us.

 

“Demetri! What are you doing?” Mila shouted. Her eyes danced back and forth between her brother and where I stood with Andrei. “Demetri, please put the gun down.” Mila’s voice trembled. I was certain her plead was more for Andrei than for me.

 

Demetri laughed ignoring her plead. Pointing the gun at me he said to Mila, “Choose little sister. Will it be this traitor,” he pointed the gun at Andrei then turned back to me, “or her?” he smirked.

 

“Neither!” Andrei shouted.

 

A flurry of things happened at the same time. A shot rang out as I was sent flying behind Andrei. I felt my head hit against something really hard. Mila called out my name at the same time my eyes gave in to darkness.

Entry 7th 6/10/14

The pain that shot through my head made me snap my eyes open. I sat up in an unfamiliar bed. I looked around the small room and wondered when I got here. I touched the back of my head and winced at the bump that apparently had formed there. I heard voices outside of the room. I could tell they were trying to be hush, but they had failed miserably. I willed my body to climb off the bed, but the moment I did, my head spun and the room came alive. In all the commotion of my thoughts, I somehow lost balance and fell on the floor.

"Shit!” I hissed. I had become the biggest klutz. The door to the room I was in swung opened, revealing Mila.  Suddenly everything came back in a rush. I had been kidnap, brought to some mafia looking home, with the man who killed my husband. I fell for the man who killed my husband. Demetri came here and shot… “Oh my God, Andrei!” I try pulling myself up from the floor. Mila was fighting with me to calm down. But how could I? Andrei may possibly be dead because of me.

 

“Liz, please calm down.” Mila pulled me into her tiny arms. I sobbed uncontrollably. I lifted my sighted and froze when my eyes landed to the man that stood in the doorway. I pulled back drying my tears. Mila looked at me and then back towards the door. She put two and two together and bit her lip. Without another word I rose from the bed and walked to where the man stood. With shaky fingers I stroked his face.

“Ad-Adam?” I stammered. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy in my life to see someone familiar. But how did he find me?

 

“Elizabeth,” he sighed. I caught myself and Adam off guard when I wrapped my arms around his waist. I didn’t know how much I had missed him until my arms wrapped around him. Adam pulled me tighter to him without saying another word. I sobbed hard and he let me.

 

“Liz,” I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but it must have been long enough for Mila to pull me away from Adam. I looked between them noticing the small exchanges they gave each other. Mila was smitten with Adam, but just how long had he been here? And where was Andrei? I walked back to the bed with Mila’s help. “You need to rest.” Mila frowned and she stroke a small strand of hair that fell between my eyes.

 

“Where’s Andrei?” I asked. Mila looked back to Adam as if asking him for help. Adam walked towards the bed and sat beside me. “Adam, how are you here? How did you find me?” I held his hand. I was so grateful he was here with me. However, I was so confused.

 

“Liz, you have to listen to me. What I’m about to tell is going to sound crazy.” He began. I think I was past the crazy part. I nodded, showing him that I was listening. “Milania called me three days ago and told me you were injured. I came as soon as I could.” He looked at me for any sign of, I honestly did not know what.

 

“How, how do you know each other?” I asked nervously. Did I really want to know everything? Yes, yes I did.

 

“That’s the thing,” Adam paused. “We’ve known each other for a year now.” His answer was filled with uncertainty. A year? What the hell?

 

“I’m confused. A year?” I said. Mila’s cheeks reddened.

 

“Yes, a year.” Mila whispered. They both gave each other a glance that told me they were much more than what they were saying. I supposed I was misreading everything with her and Andrei.

 

“I’m so confused. You’re here because you were apparently called. You’ve know each other for a year now, and didn’t mention anything to me. Now, are you here to take me home?” I felt the tears making their way down.

 

“I’m afraid it’s not safe in your home anymore, Liz. You’re better here with Mila and Andrei.” Adam had his tender voice on. His eyes pleaded with me to understand.

 

“I want to go home!” I said like a bratty child.

 

“You can’t. This will be your home now.” Adam mumbled.

 

“I beg your pardon?” I stood from the bed. “You don’t get to tell me where I belong! I belong in my own home…the house me and Lucas made ours! I belong there!”

 

“Elizabeth, don’t make this harder than it already is. I’ll take care of everything in your home and ship it somewhere safe. But you can’t go back and that’s final!” He said firmly. “Plus, he wouldn’t want you there anymore.” Adam whispered the last part.

 

“Get out” I looked at Adam and Mila. They stared back at me wide-eyed. None of them made a sound. “I said GET OUT!” I shouted. Adam and Mila quietly walked out of the room. As soon as the door was shut, I broke down.

 

I lost whatever hope I had of going back home now that Adam refused to bring me back. What was he thinking? Did I not matter? And most importantly did he not think of Lucas. They were best friend, this wasn’t the way to honor Lucas’ memory. I willed my feet to walk back to the bed. My head was still swimming with thoughts and because of the bump I had. I curled in bed and cry until my eyes gave out.

 

“What did you guys tell her?” I could hear a faraway voice say. It was however, all that I heard.

 

A light stroke of my face made my eyes fluttered open. I must have been in heaven because before me stood my husband. His hair looked a bit longer, but it was his perfect onyx color. His eyes ever so tender and blue. “Lucas” I whispered. I reached out in my hazy state and touched his cheek. “I’m glad you’re here.” I mumbled. Lucas smiled but continued to stroke my cheek.

 

“I fell in love. Will you ever forgive me?” I asked. Lucas’ eyebrow furrowed and suddenly it wasn’t him, but Andrei’s hard eyes staring back at me.

“Andrei?” I shot up. I wasn’t dreaming, I was simply confusing Andrei with Lucas. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. I noticed the sling around his shoulder. “Oh my God, are you alright?” I leaped forward, but he took two steps back. I looked at him confused.

 

“What’s wrong?” I felt the tears threatening to fall.

 

“You-you love me? After everything I’ve done?” The panic in his eyes scared me. I said it out loud thinking it was only a dream or a vision. People deserved second chances, he was one of those people. And in all reality he never mentioned he killed Lucas. That was all in my mind. Maybe Demetri killed him which is why he was now after Andrei. Of course, that makes sense.

 

“I- I…” The words failed to come out. Andrei didn’t seem to care, he closed the space between us, lifted his good arm up and pulled me closer. “Andrei” His name fell from my lips. It was all he needed to hear to crash his lips down over my own.

 

I wrapped my arms around his neck and tugged him a little closer. Andrei chuckled. Third kiss shared with him, yet it felt so familiar. The deeper he kissed me, the harder it was to pull away. I found myself pulling him with me towards the bed. I sat on the bed while Andrei removed the sling. “It’ll hurt your arm.” I traced his shoulder.

 

“It was only a flesh wound.” He shrugged and hovered over me. I laid on the bed. My heart beat so fast it felt like it would leave my body. Andrei kissed my lips down to my neck. I was so going to hell for making a deal with the enemy.

I’m sorry Lucas.

My head rested over Andrei’s chest. We didn’t go as far as having sex, but the make-out session was amazing. I basked in the feel of the rise and fall of his chest. Andrei played with my hair with one hand while his other drew circles over my hand that laid on his chest.

 

“How long was I out?” I looked up at him.

 

“Three days,” He stroked my cheeks. I frowned.  I looked away from his eyes the intensity in them were making my stomach do summersaults. Andrei tugged my face back to him and placed a kiss on my forehead. “I was so scared, Liz. I thought-” He was interrupted by a knock on the door.

 

“Guys?” Mila’s voice was muffled. “We have company.” She said.

 

“We’ll be right there.” Andrei answered her. I gave Andrei a quizzical look in hopes that he would answer me. Instead, he grabbed me face and pulled me into a kiss. When he pulled back he leaned his forehead against mine and spoke, “Promise me that whatever you hear in there, you’ll just agree to it. Please.” He suddenly looked like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulder.

 

“I don’t understand.” I mumbled.

 

“Just promise me.” He practically begged. I nodded.

“I promise” I smiled. Something inside me felt off.

 

Andrei and I emerged to the living room with our fingers intertwined. Mila gave me a weak smile while Adam looked pissed. However, when Andrei looked at him, his pissed off look melted away. I was really lost as to what was truly happening. But I had to start trusting Andrei would keep me safe. Andrei rounded the corner to the living and smiled at the three man that sat on the couch and love seats.

 

“Ah, there he is.” The older man that looked like a replica of Al Pacino said. Andrei let go of my hand and half hugged the man. The other two who looked straight out of a Mafia movie nodded slightly at me. “And this must be your precious Elizabeth,” the man said. For some unknown reason he didn’t scare me. But then again, I was really trying to figure out where the hell my sanity flew off to.

 

“Carmine,” Andrei’s cheeks flushed. I giggled. “This is her indeed.” Andrei placed a kiss on my temple. Carmine took my hand and placed a small kiss on it, like the kinds you only see in movies.

 

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, dear.” Carmine winked at me. Now it was my turn to blush. “That’s a cute color on you.” Carmine stroke my flushed cheeks. Andrei chuckled pulling me closer to me, he planted a kiss on my cheek. Behind me I could hear Adam’s growl. I turned around and mouthed an ‘are you okay?’ He simply rolled his eyes and walked towards the back doors of the cabin, Mila followed right after him.

Carmine’s laughter brought me back to the present time. He had already sat down, while the other two men stood by his side. Andrei touched my elbow slightly for me to sit on the now empty love seat.

 

“Should I go check on Adam?” I whispered for only Andrei to hear. Andrei shook his head and whispered a ‘not now.’ I couldn’t help think that Adam was upset at seeing me and Andrei together. Did it bother him that I was moving on with the ‘enemy’ although, I was starting to believe, Andrei was not the evil man I made him out to be.

 

I bit my lip nervously at the way the men were looking at me. It was as if I was some sort of prize that was now about to be wrapped and shipped off to someone of great deal. Carmine’s voice trailed off as his phone began to shrill.

 

“I’m sorry. I really should take this.” Carmine rose from the couch and walked outside with phone already at his ear.

 

“Stop biting your lip. It’s not helping me focus on this meeting.” Andrei pulled my lip out from between my teeth.

 

“I’m sorry.” I said nervously. I wouldn’t want to mess up whatever this meeting was about. “I should probably go check on Adam and Mila. This meeting is more for you. Plus I’m not even paying attention. What are you guys even talking about? And who are the other two men with Carmine?” I rambled. Andrei let out a full belly laughter making me glare at him.

“I’m sorry, but you’re so cute when you ramble,” He kissed my lips. “You always rambled when you were nervous.” The words flew from his mouth. Andrei froze, but quickly recovered when seeing Carmine returning.

 

“I’m afraid there’s a matter I have to handle.” Carmine took my hand and planted a kiss like he had done earlier.

 

“I’ll walk you out,” Andrei pointed towards the door.

 

“It was lovely meeting you. I sure hope Andrei brings you by the mansion in the near future.” Carmine winked. Seriously, who was this man and why was he being so nice with me?

 

“I will bring her by” Andrei bit his lip. Now who was nervous? Wait, he hadn’t done that before.

 

I paced the living room, my nerves taking the best of me. Adam returned with a smiling Mila, but both froze when they saw my bewildered stare. I was about to ask them what happened before, but Andrei walked back towards us.

 

“Did you tell her?” Adam finally spoke.

 

“Adam, not now.” Andrei warned.

 

“Tell me what?” I asked annoyed. Why was I still being treated like some doll that would break at any moment?

 

“Nothing!” Andrei snapped. I winced at the tone of his voice. It had been so long since he raised his voice at me. Andrei caught my expression and stride to me. “I’m sorry,” he began. I pulled away from him.

 

“I’ll be in my room.” I walked away from everyone.

 

I was looking for clothes to change for the night when my door flew opened. Andrei stood before me with an angry look. As if looks could kill. I don’t know how long he stood there, but nothing was said and he turned on his heels and left. That wasn’t weird at all.

 

Walking back out the room, I prayed everyone had retreated somewhere else. I found the bathroom and quickly began to strip out of my clothes. I turned to turn the water on when the door to the bathroom swung open. I screamed and try covering what little I could. I had been blessed with a good set of breasts.

 

“Shit! I’m sorry.” Andrei covered his eyes.

 

“Don’t you knock?” I snapped.

 

“I did!” He snarled back. I couldn’t concentrate because he too was half naked. “I’m sorry.” He turned around to leave.

 

“No, wait!” What the hell was I doing? I walked up to him. Andrei’s back still towards me. The tattoo he sported on his back begged to be touch, so I did. My fingertips ran over the ink, causing Andrei’s back to break out in goosebumps. My fingers continued to explore his muscular back; Andrei shuddered with every tracing I did.

 

“Please, don’t do this.” He sighed. I was done being scared. I walked around him and continued exploring his body. I counted five scars, they were definitely stab wounds, which made me cringe and kiss them at the same time. Andrei’s eyes were still closed. It was as if he needed this touch. I was on the fifth scar when the words stood out to me, and just as fast I removed my hand from him. Andrei’s eyes snapped back open.

 

“Why- why do you have my name tattooed on your ribs?” I grabbed the towel I had on the counter and wrapped it around my body. The heat of the water had turned the bathroom into a sauna. Andrei didn’t response. His breathing mirrored mines. We were both a panting mess. I felt like I was about to pass out.

 

“I asked you a question?” I shouted.

 

“I…please don’t freak out on me.” He took a step closer towards me. I was too frozen in place to care how close he was to me. And the freaking out part, well it was too late for that. “I can’t believe I'm about to say this,” He said more to himself. “I’ve been waiting for the right moment. I didn’t think you were ready, but I guess the cat is out of the bag.” He smiled.

 

He wasn’t making any sense to me. “What the hell are you talking about?”  I shook the fog out of my head.

 

“How I’ve missed you, my beautiful wife,” The words echoed through the bathroom. Everything around me began to spin. I didn’t know whether it was the heat or the words, but this just confirmed what I thought was true.


Entry 8th 6/10/14

 

I’d forgotten where I was standing. My body had broken out in goosebumps and I was certain the water had turned cold. I walked around him, shut the shower off and turned to face him. I was staring at Andrei, but he wasn’t him, he was my husband. I was so damn confused. I thought I wanted this moment. I swore that I would be over the moon to find out my husband was alive, then why didn’t I feel happy, Why was I feeling betrayed and hurt?  Andrei, no wait, Lucas looked the pain ever so present in his eyes.

 

“Liz, please say something,” He breathed out. “God, baby! I have missed you so much. I’m sorry for lying. I’m so sorry for the pain I caused you!” He searched my eyes for any trace of hate. Yes, I was hurt for the lying, but I didn’t hate him. I knew he must have had a good explanation. “Baby, I love you, I love you!” He broke down.

 

 

Lucas knelt before me. God, I wanted to forgive him and try to erase the last three years, but I needed answers. And I knew it would take some time for him to open up. I looked down and was met with a very distraught stare from Lucas. I had been selfish thinking of only myself, without thinking of what he must have endured. I missed three years with my husband, something I wasn’t thrilled about, but now he was here with me and there was no way in hell that I would let him go.

 

“I want to know so much. But I'm so tired of crying and grieving, Lucas.” His name sounded strange as it fell from my lips. I knelt with him and stroked his lips, eyes, nose and cheeks. Underneath all the physical change, he was still my husband and love.

 

 

“I promise to tell you everything, but right now I need to touch you, please.” He reached out to trace my lips. His touch was slow and tender. “You’re by far more beautiful than I remember,” He smiled. I felt my cheeks blush. I was such a girl.

 

I wish I could have stayed in the bathroom all day, but my legs were protesting from kneeling on the marble floor, and my body was begging to be clothed. A shower was still on the agenda. I left Lucas in the position we had been in, and turned on the water. I prayed they had a good water heater in the cabin.

 

“I need to shower…” I pointed behind me.

 

“I’m sorry. I’ll wait outside.”

 

“No!” My body began to shiver at the loss of contact. I was so afraid he would disappear. I took a step towards him. “I- I’m so afraid to let you go. I feel like you’ll disappear into thin air or something.” I felt my eyes moistening.

 

“I’m not going anywhere, baby.” He paused inches away from my lips, “May I?” He was so cute asking permission. He was my husband for crying out-loud. I nodded silently.

 

The kiss began slow and sweet, like that of two lovers coming together for the first time since losing each other. Lucas' hands made their way up my back and stopped at the back of my neck, brining me closer to his body. I moaned as he deepened the kiss. My body was aware of his every touch, making every cell in me awaken.

 

Lucas pulled back panting, the smile on his face could light up a room. "I love you." He murmured.

 

“I love you too” I smiled.

 

“Go shower. I'll sit here and wait for you.” He kissed my forehead and turned around to give me privacy, as if I needed any. But maybe being Andrei for so long made him a different person. No, scratch that, he was a different person.

 

With one last glimpse of him, I turned around, pulled the towel off of me and got in the shower. I moaned the moment the heat of the water hit against my back. I turned the nozzle on massage mode, and moaned again.

 

 

“You're really not making this easy, love.” Lucas groaned.

 

“I'm sorry,” I whispered. I felt my body blush. What the hell was I thinking, asking him to stay in here with me?

 

“Don't apologize.” His voice was suddenly at my ear. My heart beat raced knowing he was right behind me. I don't know when he managed to get in the shower with me, but I didn't care. I was concentrating on not letting out another moan, but when Lucas' lips landed on my exposed neck, my resolution came undone.

 

My head fall back against his chest, and his hands made their way around my waist. “So beautiful.”

His voice was filled with lust.

 

“I need you,” he pressed me harder against his body. My knees buckled at his plead, but Lucas' strong arms held me in place.

 

I turned around to face him and was shocked to see tears storming down his face.

 

“I know that I've fucked up, Liz. I swear it was never my intention to leave you. I hated being someone I'm not, but there's so much more than you know and I'm scared... I'm scared to tell you the truth. I'm scared this is all a dream that I'm going to wake up from. I'm scared that reality is going to hit us at any moment, and that you may hate me for it. I'm so scared Liz of a lot of things. But I'm mostly scared of losing you forever.” His breathing hitched.

 

 

I too was scared of all these things, but instead of being selfish, like I had been all this time, I pressed my lips against his. The truth could come later, but right now I needed my husband.

 

**

 

My fingers traced over the unusual tattoo on Lucas’ chest. Our post coital stage left us satisfied, and exhausted. I suppose three years without sex from your husband would do that to you. Lucas small snores filled the room. I lifted my head making sure he was asleep, kissed his lips and climbed off the bed. Lucas was out like a light.

 

“So he told you?” I jumped at the sound of Adam’s voice. I almost dropped the glass of water I carried.

 

“Yes,” I let my eyes wander around the kitchen. I was too embarrassed to look at him. Did he know Lucas and I just made love?  Because that’s what we did. It wasn’t rough, or fast, it was…perfect. In my crazy thoughts, I missed Adam closing the distance between us. He lifted my eyes, and smiled.

 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed. Andrei,” He cringed. “I’m sorry. Lucas. He’s your husband. He loves you so much. Everything he did, he did it for you. For your safety.” I never truly had a close relationship with Adam, but when Lucas died… I cringe at that thought because he truly never did die. Anyway, when Lucas disappeared, Adam was at my side comforting me and not once did he ever try to make it into something more.

 

“I’m scared, Adam.” I sat on the bar stool in the kitchen. I took a sip of water and looked up at him.

 

“It’s okay to be scared, Liz. You are now finding out Lucas never did die. Things are going to be crazy at first, but know that you can trust him. I haven’t been his best friend for twenty-years for no reason.” Adam took the seat beside me.

 

“So, you’ve known about him being alive for a year?” I asked.

 

Adam looked at me with an apologetic stare, “I’m sorry.” He whispered.

 

“I forgive you” I laid my hand over his. Adam gave me a crooked smile and for the first time since I

met him, I felt a love for him. A love that is felt for a brother or a true friend. And as if his brain was connecting with mines, his following words made me believe we were meant to be a family.

 

“You’re like the sister I never had, Liz. Lucas always knew that. I promised him to always look after you, and that’s exactly what I did while he was gone.”

 

I didn’t need to hear more and there was no need for him to say the words. I turned on my seat and pulled him into a tight hug. “I love you too, Adam.”

 

I looked up when someone cleared their throat. Lucas’ had his arms crossed over his chest, a pout adorned his face. He looked so cute and vulnerable.

 

“She’s all yours.” Adam chuckled. “I’ll see you around, beautiful.” He winked at me as he passed by Lucas.

 

“I swear, that man knows how to get under my skin.” Lucas smiled lazily. I giggled. They did get under each other’s skin sometimes.

 

“Adam’s a great man. He helped me get through…” I trailed off not wanting to finish that thought. I strode over to where he stood and wrapped my arms around his bared chest. “Plus, I’ve only got eyes for you.” I placed a kiss over his heart.

 

“I’m sorry.” He placed a kiss on my forehead. An awkward silence suddenly fell between us. “I was scared you ran away or that you weren’t real.” His hands found their way up my shirt. I let out a shuddered the moment his hands connected with my bare back.

 

“I’m sorry. I was thirsty and my head was beginning to hurt.”

 

“Next time please wake me.” His beautiful eyes pleaded with my own. “Promise me. I can’t…lose you.” He murmured.

 

“I promise” I placed a tender kiss on his jaw. I tug his hand and dragged him back to the room. I wanted to forget the craziness around me for one day, while in the arms of the one I loved.