One Shots (Memories) ©2014

Entry 21 7-12-14

                                                               Epilogue

"Push, baby. You're doing so good." Brandon cooed.

I wasn't ready to have this baby! How the hell did women have more than one? This shit hurt.

From the first contraction, to the last,  not once did Brandon leave my side.

"I can't do this!" I let my head fall back against the pillow. Dr. Morgan gave me a smile, showing me how many times she's heard those words before. Nurse Lena held my leg back, while Brandon held the other.

"Look at me!" Brandon somehow managed to pull my head forward. I opened my eyes to find we were forehead to forehead. "You can do this. We need one more push and she's here!" Brandon's eyes shone with excitement.

I couldn't be a weakling. I was ready to be a mom, and give Brandon what he always longed for, a family.

The moment her cries filled the room, my world stopped. Dr. Morgan laid our baby girl on my chest. I wasn't grossed out at how dirty my little girl was, instead I stroked her messy- sticky black hair. I cried tears of joy. Everything that happened in the last six months were suddenly forgotten.

I looked to Brandon, he had a huge smile on his face, and tears coming down his cheeks. "She's perfect," I cried. Brandon leaned down and gently kissed my lips.

"You're both perfect. Thank you so much for her." Brandon took our baby girls tiny hand in his. "She's so small," he wiped the tears from his cheek.

"I know." I whispered.

"What should we name her?" Brandon asked.

"Abigail Rose Tyler," I murmured. The name had once belonged to Brandon's grandmother. He loved that woman so much. Brandon's lips locked with mines. He kissed me hard and with so much passion, I forgot we were in the presence of others.

"Thank you, that means a lot to me." He whispered.

That night was the best night of my life, and the beginning of a new journey for Brandon and I.
***

"Mommy, where's my favorite pink shirt?" Abby shouts. I smiled and make my way to her room. Our little hurricane- as Brandon calls her- is making a mess through her drawers. Ah, the famous pink shirt. Logan had given Abigail a shirt that says 'Girl Just Wanna Have Fun,' it immediately became her favorite piece of clothing.

"Abigail Rose!" I stifle a giggle. Abigail turns around and gives me her best pout. "Why does your room look like it threw up?" I ask. I already know the answer, but I love when she makes up stories.

"Uncle Logan is coming soon for me, and Savannah wants me to wear the shirt. We are going skating mommy." Abigail rushed through her words.

Oh yes, Savannah, my daughter's best friend, and the daughter of my best friend Logan. Savannah was only a year younger than Abigail, but she was the most outspoken and bright little girl- aside from Abigail- I've ever met. It is why Abigail loved her so much, they were two peas in a pod.  Also, the fact that they were both an only child, helped them become closer.

I walked to where Abigail knelt and helped her up. I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly. My baby wasn't a baby anymore.

"Mommy!" She whined. "You're squishing me!" She giggled.

"I'm sorry, baby. Now, your shirt is packed in your overnight bag." I pushed her black curls behind her ears. Abigail was the spit image of Brandon.

"Can I put it on now?" Her green irises smiled at me. I nodded. "Thank you mommy!"

"But first," I began. "You must clean up this mess." I pointed at the clothes she had placed on the floor.

"Ok, mommy." She giggled.

I sat Indian style in the middle of her room and smiled. Not long ago was I rocking my baby to sleep as she cried.

"Shh, it's ok. Mommy's here." I rocked Abigail in my arms. I removed my nursing bra aside, and allowed my daughter to feed. I would never feel such a bond with someone, like the one I felt with my daughter.

I was learning how to be a mom, that meant, I had to learn the different cries. The I'm hungry, wet diaper, dirty diaper, and I want to be held cries. Also, the I'm sleepy cries, and the something hurts cries.

At the beginning it wasn't so easy, but I got the hang of it. Brandon of course helped through it all. He was so patient and understanding.

"I will never get tired of this," Brandon leaned against the threshold. I smiled at him. "You're both so beautiful." Brandon walked over to me. He placed a kiss on my forehead, then moved to Abigail.

"I love you," I said. Brandon smiled. "Thank you for being you. For giving me her and for helping me when my memory tries to leave me."

"Always, baby. We're in this together." He gave my hand a squeeze. "Now, let's put her to bed. I want to make love to my wife." Brandon took Abigail from my arms.

Did I mention how much I loved this man? Well I do.

**

"Hey, beautiful!" Brandon's voice brought me back to reality. His arms snaked around my waist as his lips found the crook of my neck. I giggle as he hungrily assaulted my neck.

"Hey," I laughed. "How was work?" I barely saw Brandon due to his crazy schedule at the hospital. He was working on opening his own practice, but for now, we had to endure the long hours apart.

"Tiring," kiss to my neck. "Crazy," kiss to my jaw. "And incredibly busy," kiss to my lips. This time he didn't pull back. I grasp his hair and pulled him closer to me. We both moaned at the same time.

I always loved how passionately Brandon kissed me. In the ten years of marriage, not once did he ever kissed me any different. His kisses were always filled with want and need and so much love.

"Hi," Brandon panted.

"Hi," I breathed out. "I love you." I murmured.

"I love you more, baby." He stroked my flushed cheeks. Brandon leaned in for a softer kiss.

Small footsteps brought a grin to our face.

"Daddy!" We turned around just in time for Brandon to lift Abigail into his arms.

"Hello princess!" Brandon attacked our daughter with kisses. Abigail's squeals made us laugh hard.

"Uncle...uncle!" She cried out. Brandon pulled back and grinned. His smile was worth a billion dollars.

Watching him with Abigail brought tears to my eyes. These were the moments to cherish. If he only knew how much I loved our little family. A family that would soon have another member.

"I'm pregnant!" I blurted. Brandon and Abigail looked at me with the same look. The one with both eyebrows lifted and mouths agape.

"I...I just found out this morning. I don't even know if it's true, but the test says I am. Maybe I'm not... and I didn't want to say anything right away. But it's you, and I can't keep anything from you!" I rushed through.

Brandon put an amused Abigail down and he strutted towards me. He didn't care that our daughter was only two feet away, he lifted me and sat me on the counter, and without a word, he kissed me. Abigail's giggle and eww's echoed through the kitchen. But we didn't care because this was our moment.

"God; you would never know how much I love you!" Brandon's lips ghost over mines.

"Ditto," My voice trembled. The emotions this man caused me, scared me a little.

Ezra David Tyler was born on January 29, 2015. He weight 6 lbs 4oz, and was- like his sister Abigail- the pride and joy of our family.
Brandon and I are were parents to the most amazing children in this world. 

The words are no longer jumbled in my mind. I'm the person I used to be, but with two beautiful children, and a husband whom I adore without any doubt. The faces of many, I can now recognize. And the pitiful stares I once received, where no longer there.  I tell myself everyday that I was lucky for my memory returning. In a matter of weeks I became myself, again.

I don't know what the future may bring, but I was sure I could face it, as long as Brandon was by my side. With one last kiss to Ezra's forehead,  I turned his night light on, and leave his room.

Across the hallway, the love of my life waited for me.

                                                                       The End
                                                  
                                                   Abigail Rose 10-30-08

                                                        Ezra David 1-29-15

Entry 20 7-7-14

...beep...beep...beep

What was that noise? And why was it so persistent?

...beep...beep...beep

Seriously? Why wasn't Brandon turning it off?

A voice I didn't recognize began to speak. I couldn't, however, make out what they were saying.

A soft touch to my hand, a finger stroking my cheek, and sweet words spoken brought a smile to my face. I had left with Brandon last night after he told me the truth about what happened.

Brandon and I had a fight the night of my accident. I had left in such a rush to my best friend's house, Logan, that I didn't realize how bad the roads were. I had lost my memory due to the accident. The only name I could remember was Logan's. In the process of all the confusion, my previous memories were mixed with the new ones I was trying to make.

Brandon and Logan had come to an agreement. I was to stay with Logan until my memories returned. Brandon had been patient at the beginning, during my recovery,  and even promised Logan to keep his distance. But he was my husband and there was no way, he could ever do that. I was so thankful to have remembered everything. However, according to Brandon, my memory could relapse at any given moment. I prayed that it didn't.

...beep...beep...beep

What the hell? I thought Brandon had shut the damn alarm off.

"Brandon," I said. My voice sounded off. As if there had been a tube stuck down my throat. I forced my eyes opened, and when I did, I cringed at the brightness of the room.

"Baby?" I heard Brandon's voice; there was so much surprise in it. "Turn off the lights," he said to someone.

"Try again, beautiful." He whispered. I opened my eyes and was met by the most handsome man ever. His hair was a bit longer and the beard he sported made him look so much older, but handsome all the same.

I took in my surroundings. This wasn't the room I had fallen asleep in. These walls were dull and the smell that filled the air was of antiseptic. I lifted my arm to find an IV line in my hand.

"What happened? Why am I in a hospital?" I try to sit straight, but Brandon pushed me back down.

"You had an accident baby."

"Another accident?" I asked confused. Brandon's quizzical stare made me feel unease. He looked back at whomever was waiting with him. When he turned his body, I caught a glimpse of Logan.

"Logan!" I was so excited to know he too was here.

"It's nice to see you come back to us." Logan took a few steps towards us.

"Baby, do you remember anything?" Brandon smiled softly.

I nodded. I began to recount everything that happened, but was met with blank stares from both men. I was definitely missing something.

"What?" I asked.

"I think I should go get the doctor." Logan said softly. Logan leaned towards me and softly kissed my forehead. "I'm happy you're ok." He whispered. With that he left the room.

"Brandon?" I said. Brandon had been awfully quiet. "What's wrong?" I stroke his cheeks.

"Other than our fight, the rest of what you told us, was just a dream." Brandon sighed.

"Wait, what?" I bit my lip.

"I mean, yeah we had a fight. It was a stupid fight and it's what put you here! But the rest of what you thought to be true, isn't."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not understanding." My eyes began to well. Brandon stood from the chair and paced the room. He would open his mouth and close it right back. The pacing was making me nauseous. Immediately, I looked down and stroked my stomach. I was still pregnant. At least that was true.

"Brandon," I began. "I'm sorry that I can't tell what's real at the moment." Finally my tears began to fall.

Brandon leaped towards me and wrapped me in his arms.

"You don't have to apologize, baby." Brandon's gentle strokes calmed me down. "It was a terrible day for me. I thought I lost you both forever. Mel, you were so angry at me that day. I swear, I've never seen you like that. I was so scared when I received the call about your accident." Brandon held me tighter. I didn't interrupt him. I knew he needed to let this out.

"You've been out for a month, Mel." He sighed. "Your brain activity showed us you were still here with us. But they had to put you under for a while longer because of the baby." He paused.

"At times, I wished it were me in this bed instead of you. Even Logan said it a few times." Brandon shuddered. "I honestly don't even know why I let you leave that night. I blame myself everyday for this! I'm so sorry, Mel. I'm so fucking sorry!" He sobbed.

"Brandon," I choked back the tears. "I love you, babe. There's no way I'll ever blame you for this!" I held onto his t-shirt. "Please, don't blame yourself any more. I know my memory is a little off, but I'm still here. I'm still me." I pulled back.

I wiped the fallen tears from his cheeks. Brandon gave me a small smile. "I love you, Amelie. I love you so much." Brandon's lips locked with mines.

I lost myself in the feel of his lips and the small moans that escaped us both. And even though my head begged for painkillers, I pushed through and continued to kiss the man that had my heart.

My memory may have been shaky for a few weeks as I slept in dream world, but in this moment in time, I knew who my heart belonged to. It belonged to the man who gave me the world, my Brandon.

Entry 19 7-7-14


I was listening to him speak, but I was definitely not hearing him. My eyes focused on his lips, my mind on the way his hands moved as he spoke. The memories played in my head like an old silent movie.

Fingers stroking my back as we laid on the bed. His lips kissing every inch of my face as he'd mumbled the words 'I love you'.

"Marry me?" He'd ask.

"No" I'd smiled. Brandon's lips continued assaulting my neck. I writhed in pleasure under his touch.

"Marry me?" Brandon whispered again.

"No," I whispered back. We had been dating for two years, and Brandon thought it was time to settle down. But I was so scared. I came from a broken home, I didn't see the need to be marry so soon, or if at all.

"What was that?" Brandon pulled back. His intense stare burning through my heart. The dimples on his face ever so present.

"I said, no!" I giggled when his lips crashed down on mines.

"What will it take for you to say yes?" He mumbled against my neck. Brandon's lips continue exploring my neck.
"Amelie?" My name being called brought me back to this moment in time. Brandon looked at me with loving eyes.

And like it had happened in the baby's room. Everything came crashing down. "Oh my God!" I jumped to my feet.

"Amelie, what is it?" Brandon was in front of me in an instant. He stroked my cheeks. God, that touch, it was so familiar.

"You...I married you. I was married to you!" My tears began to fall. "I was never married to Logan. I never cheated on him. I cheated on you with him!" I cried.

My head began to hurt. My life played like a movie in my head. From the moment I started Kindergarten, to the moment I said, 'I do', to Brandon.

"Amelie," Brandon's voice cracked.

"I remember everything, Brandon!" I leaped towards him. Brandon pulled me tightly into his arms.

"Oh God, baby! I'm so sorry you had to go through this." He kissed my cheek. "I love you beautiful. I love you so much!" He'd kissed me over and over.

I sobbed as Brandon held me tightly to him. What would be of us now? I was a terrible person.

"Brandon," I pulled back. Brandon wiped the tears that feel down my face. "What will happen now? I'm pregnant with his child." I sighed.

"You're not." His cheeks reddened.

"What do you mean I'm not?" I pulled away. I stared at Brandon.

"Maybe we should sit down for this, love." He pulled me towards the couch. Brandon sat as close as possible to me, on the couch.

"Amelie, when you left with Logan I completely lost it. I stayed out of work for a month, but you were everywhere in our home." He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. I squeezed his hand to continue.

"You never went through with the cheating on me with Logan. He never allowed it."

"I don't understand. I left you!" I said.

"You did. But Logan is your best friend. You never cheated on me with him, or anyone. Your mind was playing tricks on you because of the accident."

"Then why do you and Logan hate each other?"

"You only remembered him when you came back to us. Even if you didn't remember your relationship with him, he was still the first person you reached out to." Brandon's eyes teared.

"So, how do you explain this?" I rubbed my belly.

"You were always pregnant, Amelie. You had just found out about the baby when the accident happened. It's been four months since..." He trailed off.

"I'm more confused than ever." I rubbed my temples.

"I'm sorry," Brandon frowned.

"Can we start from the beginning?" I chuckled.

"We can..." Brandon pulled me against his side.

Entry 18 5/15/14

Brandon's POV

I walked out of the hospital feeling exhausted. I had just pulled a double and I felt my bed calling. Unfortunately, I came face to face with the man that stole everything from me. It took a lot from me to not punch the smugness off of his face.

"What do you want, Logan?" I asked. People around us stared at us curiously. This was my work place and I had to maintain professional, even if it killed me.

Before I could process what was happening, Logan's fist connected with my face. I landed on the floor like a wuss, I blamed it on how tired I was.

"What the hell?" I snapped. I could feel the blood inside my mouth. I was definitely going to need stitches.

"I want you to leave her alone or else!" Logan shouted.

Oh, great. Now I was being threatened by the asshole.

"Is that a threat?" I smiled.
"Take it as you want!" Logan turned around and walked away without another word.

I hated the asshole. But if he thought that this would stop me from seeing Amelie, he surely had another thing coming.

**
Amelie's eyes glared at me. Call me a masochist for showing up at her home again, but I had to see her.

"You have nerves showing up here." She smirked.

Chucking, I lifted my hands in sign of surrender. "I come in peace" I said.

Amelie opened the door all the way and pointed for me the come in. This was way too easy. Did she expected my visit?

"Um... Is Logan home?" I asked curiously.

"No, he's working. But don't worry, he knew you would show up." Amelie walked towards the kitchen.

"And he won't be upset when he finds out I came?" I followed her.

"Oh, he'll be upset. But we talked last night and he knows I need to know more about my old life. He said you could explain your side as long as this is the last time you do so." She sat two mugs on the counter.

I watched as she poured freshly brewed coffee on one mug while the other had tea. She placed half and half with two spoons of sugar in my cup, and a lemon in her tea.

"Here you go." She handed me the mug filled with coffee. I looked at her with a surprise look. Amelie remembered how I liked my coffee without me telling her.

"What? Do you not like coffee?" She asked worriedly.

"No, I mean yes. It's just, you remembered how I liked my coffee." I said. I took and sip enjoying the taste of the caffeine.

"Is it good?" Amelie smiled her beautiful smile. The kind that would light up a room.

"It's delicious." I assured her.

"Ok. Good. Come on." She made me follow her to the living room.

I suddenly felt like I was in the hot seat with the way Amelie stared at me. Her eyes were soft, but the held some anger in them. I wanted to beg her to forgive me  for not fighting hard enough, but knew she didn't remember that part of us.

"So, are you going to talk?" She said playfully. I loved that she wasn't shutting me out.

"Yes," I cleared my throat. "But first, how are you feeling? How's the baby?" I asked. I may be an asshole with Logan, but not with her. She was my everything.

Amelie rubbed her stomach with a proud smile on her face. "She's doing great!" She looked up at me with a huge smile.

"She? I didn't know you already found out the sex." I felt my heart being crushed. When she was pregnant with my child, we always thought it would be a girl. I wanted a girl.

"Oh no, we haven't, but I do have a feeling about this one." Amelie sat her mug on the coffee table and leaned back.

"Oh, well, I hope you get what you've always wanted." I sat my mug down as well. No longer did my stomach desired the thing.

"You didn't like the coffee." Amelie frowned. God, how I wanted to take her in my arms and assure her that I did.

"I promise you, I did love it." I winked at her. Amelie's cheeks turned slightly red.

I prayed my words would spark her memories. I took a deep breath and began to speak. Here goes nothing.

Entry 17 5/8/14

Beautiful,
 I had an errand to run. I'll see you soon, you won't even have a chance to miss me.
                                                                                                           Love you Always, L

His words always managed to cause the tears to fall from my face. I wiped them away and climbed off the bed. My stomach rumbled the moment I stepped out of the room. I had to remind myself that I was now eating for two.

I grabbed a few items from the fridge  in hopes to cook something decent. I was a good cook, right?

Working my way around the kitchen gave me time to think. I thought about Logan and how amazing he was to me, even when I apparently was a cheater. I thought about leaving for a while until my mind could process things, but would that be fair to Logan? Could I really break his heart all over again?

"Smells good in here"

I startled and the knife slipped from my hands. It didn't cut me, but I winced when it hit the ground.

"Shit. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startled you." Logan rushed to my side. He knelt and picked up the knife. Tossing it aside he then looked at me and pulled me into his arms.

I was still trying to let my breath even out, but the safety of his arms helped me calm down.

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" He asked still unable to let go of me. I nodded.
"I'm fine now." I smiled against his chest.

"Good. Now, what are you making?" He lifted my chin and placed a tender kiss on my lips.

"I'm making Alfredo with chicken Parmesan. I was thinking of making the sauce from scratch but then it would have taken too long. Maybe next time?" I smiled when his eyes sparkled.

"That's my favorite plate. You always made a mean Alfredo!" Logan licked his lips. I laughed.

"Go wash up, dinner is almost ready." I pecked his lips.

"Ok" he smiled as he walked away.

Was it possible that my memory was returning slowly? How could I remember making sauce from scratch?

 ***
Logan laid on the couch while I cleaned the kitchen. Apparently the food made him sleepy. I couldn't argue with him, he's been sleep deprived since forever.

I sat quietly on the small love seat watching a movie when Logan stirred in his sleep.

"Don't...please don't..." His body thrashed. I knelt beside him and slowly stroked his cheek.
"Baby," I said softly. "Wake up. It's just a dream." I stroked his hair.

I jumped back at the same time Logan shot up on the couch. His eyes scanned the room. His chest heaved. It was definitely a nightmare.

"Logan," I whispered. Logan's eyes landed on mines. He rubbed his face and cleared his throat. "Are you okay?" I leaned forward. I reached out and stroke the sweat that fell from his forehead.

"I...I saw him today." He began. I was confused.

"You saw who, babe?"

 "I went to see Brandon." He searched my eyes for any sign of anger. How could I be angry at the man who continued to forgive me?

"Ok, what did you two talk about?" I asked nervously.

"I didn't do much talking." He shrugged. He extended his hand to reveal the swelling that was forming around his knuckles. How did I miss this earlier?

"What were you thinking?" I wasn't sure what was going through his mind. I gently kissed his bruised hand. I smiled when the word Love met my eyes. Logan resembled that word to perfection.

"I wasn't," he mumbled.

"Obviously!" I rose from the ground and headed towards the kitchen; man and their machismo.

Entry 16 4/30/14

Pregnant. My beautiful wife was pregnant. God had given us a second chance to become parents. I was nervous and scared when Dr. Langston gave us the news. I didn't know if Amelie was ready for another pregnancy. Hell, was I?

I knew she would apologize for getting pregnant because it was in her nature to do so. However, I was excited for this miracle. So I did what any happy father- to- be would do, and that was to assure her of my commitment and happiness.

I walked into my house with the biggest smile ever, but froze when seeing Aiden's room door opened.

"Mel?" I called out. I paused in front of Aiden's room. Amelie sat Indian style on the ground. She looked up at me, her eyes red and puffy from crying. I knelt before her. Slowly I lifted her chin.

"What happened, love?" I stroked the tears away from her cheeks.

"He wasn't your baby. He was Brandon's." She burst into tears. It was like the world stopped turning and was falling apart all over again.

"Who-" I shook my head. "Who told you that?" Anger was taking over my body.

"Brandon paid me a visit." She waited for my reaction. But I couldn't even move. "Is it true?" Her eyes begged me to tell her he was lying. I couldn't lie anymore.

"Yes" I whispered. Amelie frowned but took me by surprise when she climbed onto my lap. I let her cry.

"Baby," I said softly. Some time had passed and I wanted to get her to bed, she needed her rest.

"How could you love me? You were going to be his father." She whispered.

"I love you. I loved our son. I don't care what happened in the past, Mel. You were always in here," I placed her hand over my heart. "I will always love you, no matter what."

"No matter what." She echoed my words.

"If it helps, I didn't know he wasn't mine until the day of the accident." I laid her on our bed. Amelie gave me a perplexed look. "You kind of shouted he wasn't mine."

"I'm a horrible person!" Mel's tear flowed again.

"No, you are not. We all have our weak moments. You had yours. I forgave you, and now we get to start new. With our second baby." I kissed her still flattened belly. Mel stroked my hair.

"I love you, Logan." She pulled my head up.

"And I love you, Amelie." I placed a small kiss on her lips.

I think a visit to a certain doctor was in order.

Entry 15 4/24/14

I was lying on the couch reading a book when my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone and Logan was at work. So when I opened the door to find Brandon standing on the other side, I wanted nothing more than to go back to two minutes ago.

"What are you doing here?" I glared.
There was no way in hell this would end well. Brandon's eyes roamed my body and stopped at my stomach. I felt exposed. I pulled Logan's sweater tighter around my body.

"I need to speak to you, please." His voice pleaded.

"I don't think that's a good idea. Logan isn't here..." He cut me off.

"I didn't know you needed your husband's permission to talk to an old friend?" He said smugly.

Bastard. "Fine. You've got ten minutes." I held the door opened for him.

"Thanks." He walked through the threshold and into my living room. I sighed and closed the door. I stood, he sat. I glare, he smiled. Was this a game to him?

"You're here, now talk." I demanded.

"Amelie, I came to tell you my side of the story." He began. I shook my head.

"I don't want to know anything you've got to say about my past or yours. I'm with Logan, I love him. Nothing will ever change that!" I was so proud of myself.

"No? Huh," he stood and walked towards me. I walked backwards until my back hit the wall. Brandon hovered over me, he easily towered me, just like Logan. "You remember us, right?" He stroke my cheeks. I wanted to smack the smugness off of his face.

"Brandon-" I stammered. My voice was such a traitor.

"Tell me you don't remember how I used to touch you. How my kisses tasted. Tell me and I'll leave." His breath hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't remember anything, all I remembered was Logan's kisses and touch. I pushed him away from me.

"No! I don't remember anything! Now get out!" I shouted. Memories began to flash in my head. My knees buckled as pictures and words played in my mind: Baby. Father. Love. Brandon Matthew's. I looked up at Brandon and hated him instantly.

"You remember!" Brandon knelt before me. His hand reached out to stoke my cheek, but I slapped it away.

"Don't you ever touch me again! I hate you! Now, leave!" I stood from the floor. I willed my legs to move. I held the door opened for him. Brandon stare at me with a defeated look. He stopped in front of me before leaving.

"I loved you. I still do. He gave you up long ago when he saw you loved me. He even knew about the baby." Brandon's eyes began to well.

"Ba-baby?" I stammered.

"Aiden wasn't his, Amelie. Logan knew that." With that he kissed my forehead and left.

You know when the world is crumbling at your feet and you don't know what to do? Yeah, well that was me.

Entry 14 4/24/14

Brandon aka Dr. Matthew's POV

It had been a crazy night at the hospital, but somehow I couldn't find it in me to sleep. My body was still running with adrenaline. It is why I hated to work nights some times, but there was no such thing as sleep when you were a triage doctor. I was entering my fifth mile run when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I stopped running and pulled my phone out. A groan escape me when noticing the number. I quickly dialed while still trying to catch my breath.

Maggie, our triage secretary answered chirpy. I rolled my eyes when her bubbly voice came through.

"This is Dr. Matthew's, I was called?" I took a squatting position. I was still out of breath.

"Oh, yes, Dr. Langston needed a conference with you on Mrs. Amelie Tyler. I was told you were the last one to treat her, here. Dr. Langston wants to see you this afternoon." Maggie went on. My heart pounded furiously at the mention of Amelie's name.

"Is there a problem with Mrs. Tyler?" My mind began to race. Was she in trouble, again? The last time I saw her was on the side of the road. She looked so beautiful, but knowing she didn't remember me, us, broke my heart. And then there was Logan. I hated him with every fiber of my soul.

Logan plays the innocent man, but he took Amelie away from me long before I had a chance to win her back. What she saw in him, I would never know.

"Dr. Matthew's?" Maggie's voice brought me back.

"I'm sorry. Tell Dr. Langston I'll be there by two." I said a little bit calmer than before.

"Ok, great." Maggie said and finished the call.

By 1:30 pm, I was walking through Dr. Langston's office. Why she wanted to see me, was beyond me. Patiently, I waited in her office. I looked at the pictures that adorned her desk. Some were of her daughter Layla, the others of her deceased husband, Mark. They were the perfect couple during med school and even after that.

"I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting!" She waltz through her office.

"Its okay." I smiled. Dr. Langston had always been easy on the eyes. Her blonde hair that cascaded down her back. The blue irises that could make a grown man melt, and her hips that screamed, fit, but not fat. I would definitely have hit on her if it wasn't for my heart belonging to someone else.

"So, I've brought you here about Amelie Tyler." She began. I was still confused.

"I'm confused. You're the Ob/GYN, what's it to me?" I leaned forward.

"Brandon, I know your past with her" I cut her off.

"Ok, what's it to you?" I was annoyed.

"Logan is a dear friend of mine. I would hate for you to intervene in his marriage again."

"This doesn't concern you, Andrea!" I stood up angrily. How dare she? I headed towards the door, but her following words stopped me.

"She's pregnant, Brandon. With his child. I need to know my patient will be safe this time around." She said sternly.

"It wasn't my fault she lost Aiden!" I turned to face her. My heart broke at the mention of his name. I promised Amelie that I would keep them safe, yet I failed her.

"I never said that, but I need you to promise you won't pursue her. She's still vulnerable, Brandon."

"I know. But I love her! Why he gets to be with her, touch her, kiss her, while I have to look from afar?" I felt my heart twist in agony.

"Because she's his wife." Andrea simply stated. Yeah, his, I get it...

What was I doing here on her doorsteps? There was no way she would remember me, but I was a masochist; I needed to see her.

Entry 13 4/24/14

One Month Later

I think I might be dying. A week of feeling like death was enough to make me want to really die. I know that sounded dramatic, but the puking wouldn't stop and the toilet had become my main man.

"How are you feeling?" Logan asked for the umpteenth time as I climbed back into bed. I pulled his arm around my waist and let my eyelids close.

"Like death" I mumbled.

"Do you think it's the meds?" He stroked my flushed cheeks. I was taking anxiety medications, after waking up from the accident.

"I don't know. They've never made me this sick." I felt so tired. Why was I so tired?

"We'll call Dr. Langston in the morning. I have to be at work by 2, but I can come to the appointment with you." Logan pulled me closer. He placed a chaste kiss on my forehead. "Sleep, baby, tomorrow is a new day."

I did sleep that night. And thanks to Logan being friends with Dr. Langston, she was able to squeeze us in right before Logan had to be at work. I hated when he told me it was time for him to get back to work. But I also knew that our bills weren't going to get paid on their own.

"Are you nervous?" Logan held my hand as we waited for the many test Dr. Langston ran.

"A little. What if I have to get off the pills? What if it is something worse?" I felt my tears flowing down my face. Logan rose from the chair and pulled me into his arms.

"Everything will be okay. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." Logan kissed me sweetly.

"Thank you." I felt so much love radiating trough him.

We both sat anxiously while Dr. Langston looked through the chart.

"Well, everything looks normal, which is good." She looked up thru her glasses and smiled. "However," she paused. Logan and I froze, this was it, something was wrong. Logan gave my hand a squeeze, assuring me that he was there with me. "You'll need to relax and take it easy during your first trimester." She finished.

Logan looked at me and I looked at him. If my petrified stared mirrored his, then we were in a huge pickle.

"I'm sorry," Logan began. "First trimester?" He stumbled with words.

"Yes, Amelie is eight weeks pregnant." Dr. Langston confirmed.

How did this happened? I mean, I knew the how, but not the how, how? I was so confused.

The drive home was a quiet one. Did Logan regret us? Did he blame me for getting pregnant? So many questions to ask, yet I was too much of a coward to express them.

Logan parked the car in our driveway, but didn't move.

"Logan, I'm-" I began but he cut me off.

"Don't say you're sorry." He glared at me. "We made a baby together. That's not something to be sorry about!" His eyes sparkled.

"So you're not mad?" I felt butterflies in my stomach. My mind had played tricks on me for no reason.

"Of course not!" He took my hand and kissed it. "This is a great gift. I love you, Mel. Nothing will ever change that." He leaned over the console and kissed me hard.

I loved when he became possessive of me. I loved that we were both moving on from the past and making a new future. I loved that no matter what life threw at us, he remained by my side. But most of all, I loved him!

Entry 12 4/24/14

 

I swallowed hard the moment Mel walked out in a black sweater dress that stopped right below the swell of her ass. One side of her dress fell off her shoulder, giving me an amazing view of her neck and shoulder. Note: make sure to mark her as yours tonight! 

"Is it too much?" Mel asked innocently. Her cheeks reddened a I continued to take her in. I took a step closer to her, closing the distance between us. We needed this night, I told myself earlier. I was tired of living in the past and with the memories. New ones had to be made. 

"Absolutely! But to know you're all mine..." I leaned down and planted a soft wet, and maybe a bit harder than usual kiss on her neck. A throaty groan escaped Mel's lips. 

"Logan, if you don't stop..." Her voice trembled. I ignored her and continued tasting her sweet neck. Her choice of perfume always brought me to my knees, Very Sexy, needed to change its name to Lusting! 

I pinned her against the wall, brought  one of her legs around my waist. Her legs were so smooth and long. I lost myself in her smell, body, but most of all her love. 

"More..." Mel whimpered. I placed her leg down, kissed her neck one last time and pulled away from her, only enough to hold her stare. 

Mel's eyes screamed lust and love all at once. She also gave me a murderous stare. 

"Sorry love, but we must go." I kissed her lips and left her to gather herself. 

"That's just wrong, Logan!" She shouted. I laughed hard. Oh baby, if you would only know what I have plan for you. I turned around and gave her a wink. Mel laughed and followed me out the house.

**

I took her out to our favorite restaurant in hopes of bringing some old memories back. Unfortunately, nothing in the place seemed to make her remember; not even the same dinner plate she always chose. 

"Do you not like your food today?" Her voice was so small. My head snapped up in her direction.

"What do you mean?" Was she remembering something?

"Well, you've ordered the same dish for the past five years, yet tonight you're not touching it." Her smile grew wider. 

"You remember something new, well old." I chuckled.

"I did, didn't i?" Mel's smile grew wider. I nodded. 

"I don't have an appetite. Want to get out of here?" I pulled my card out and flagged down our waiter. There was somewhere I needed to take my wife to. 

"Where are we going?" Mel giggled as I pulled her towards the open field. 

"You'll see" I chuckled. I stopped in the middle of the football field. Amelie had a confused stare. "It was the year 2008," I began. "the Giants were only seconds away from winning the SuperBowl." 

"You always did love the Giants. No matter how terrible they were every other season, you always stuck by them like a true fan." Amelie clasped her mouth. "I- I don't know where that came from." Her eyes welled up. I smiled because out of every place, the stadium was the only one to bring memories back to her.

"Yeah, well, everyone deserves to be a fan of something" I shrugged. "Anyways, remember how I told you about when you first said you loved me?" I took her smile in. "Well, I didn't say it back right away. As a matter of fact, I didn't say it until almost a year after returning from my first tour."

"Which was in 2008!" Amelie laughed. I nodded. 

"You got me tickets to the Superbowl as a Christmas present. You didn't know who would be the last standing teams, but you saved up the money and bought me the tickets." 

"I promised you I would. You had always wanted to go to one. You've also dreamed of going to WrestleMania. I'm sorry that hasn't happened." Tears began to fall down from her eyes. I pulled her nearer. 

"I'm so happy you're remembering things." I placed a kiss on her lips.

"I know, but do I really want to remember the past? Isn't it better to start with new memories?" 

"It's always good to start new memories, but don't you want to know how much you've always meant to me?" I pulled away from Mel when she shook her head 'no'.

"No?" I asked. 

"Logan, I already know how much I mean to you. You show me everyday at every chance you get." She pulled closer to me. "I love you, today matters more than yesterday." Mel pulled my head down and kissed me hard. Too sudden, however she pulled back gasping for air. 

"What's wrong?" I tried to touch her, but she pulled away. 

"We stood here before! You were on your knees and a blue Tiffany box was on your hand." She panted. A memory was flooding her mind. I left her alone, not wanting to interrupt her thoughts. 

"You were different that morning. Your nostrils flared, your eyes kept going to your pocket. I didn't think anything of it. I thought you were hiding something, but left it alone. After all, we were only best friends."

"Mel," I didn't want her to think negative about this memory. It was supposed to be a good one. So why was she so scared?

"Wait," she held her hand up in sign of 'give me a minute.' "You dragged me across this stadium the moment you favorite team won. I looked at you crazy. There was no way they would let us get through, but somehow you bought out security." She smiled and my heart slowed down. 

"You told me to close my eyes. Again, I looked at you like you had lost your mind." She giggled. "But you had my heart so I trusted you and closed them." Mel closed her eyes and continued talking. "I waited until you said to open them." Mel smiled keeping her eyes closed. 

"I did, and when doing so, I found you on your knees with the box in hand. I was so nervous and scared. 'What are you doing?' I asked you. To which you replied..." She opened her eyes in this moment in time and waited for me to speak. 

I closed the distance, took her hand and placed it over my erratic heart.

"You're the love of my life that makes me love the life that I live. I love you Amelie, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" I whispered. Amelie looked up through her tears. 

"You forgot one part." She smiled.

"Remind me," I begged her. 

"You said, 'Forever.'" 

"Forever," I echoed...

The need to have my wife in our bed was overwhelming. I pushed the door close with my foot. There was no way I was going to let go of Mel. I pinned her against the wall as I did earlier, only this time, I wasn't teasing. This time she was going to cry out my name.

"I need more" Mel panted.

"Trust me, you'll see and get more." I thrust my hips against her sweet spot. Mel let out a loud moan. Without another word, I was carrying her into our bedroom. I don't know if it was the memory from earlier or the fact that it had been too long, but I was ready to make her mine again. 

***

I opened my eyes to a darkened room, I waited for them to adjust. For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace. I looked to my side and smiled at my beautiful sleeping wife. She owned me from the moment I met her and there was no way in hell I would ever let her go. 

 

    

Entry 11 4/19/14

I was so confused. I was in love with Brandon first, then with Logan, and then back with Brandon? Talk about a good soap opera; surely, my life made a great one. Maybe asking Logan about our past was a bad idea. Did it really matter anymore? I loved him and I wasn't planning to let him go.

"Are you okay?" Logan wrapped his arms around my waist. I had been staring out the window for hours. How could I be okay, if I couldn't remember anything from my past life.

"Honestly?" I asked. Logan nodded. "I don't know. I'm so confused, Logan. I can't believe I was such a terrible person. Why did you fall in love with me?" I took in his deep stare.

"You weren't a terrible person." He sighed. "We all make mistake, Mel. You weren't at fault for falling in love with such a handsome man like me." Logan grinned. I laughed hard. It was the first heart felt laughter since coming back into Logan's life.

"I'm so lucky to have you" I whispered.

"I'm not going anywhere, love. I'm here to stay." Logan held me tighter. We stood silent for a few moments until Logan spoke again. "How about we go somewhere tonight?"

"That sounds great! What should I wear?" I felt the butterflies in my stomach.

"Anything that'll be easy to strip you out off." Logan's voice darkened. I bit a moan back. It had been weeks since we were last intimate. I was ready to be in his arms again, and tonight I would make sure of it.

"Ok" I felt my body quiver  with the way he stared at me. That stare that says 'I want to devour you', yeah that stare. Perhaps I wasn't the only one ready. Tonight would be about us and it was all that mattered.

Entry 10 4/18/14

I stared at the door for about five minutes before coming to. What the hell just happened? She walked out on me, again! I kept messing up with her, but I had so much anger pent up, I didn't know how to let go without hurting someone else in the process. 

This time I didn't know where she went. 

Two hours later and a bottle of vodka gone, Amelie walked through the doors. Her eyes were saddened and her nose was red, probably from the cool night. I sat up on the couch, feeling more at ease, however more drunk. Mel sat beside me, pulled my arm over her shoulder and let a deep breath out. We held each other for a few minutes before she began to speak.

"I know who Bran- Dr. Matthew's is" she sighed. I swallowed hard because this was it, the moment of truth. "He's the man I fell in love with; isn't he?" Her voice tremble. 

I tried finding my voice, but nothing came out. 

"Logan," Mel tilted her head and met my eyes. "If you want us to move past this, we need to talk about it. I may not remember the who, or the why's from then, but I can from now. So, let's talk. Please." She pleaded with tears in her eyes. I silently nodded. 

"I need some coffee to sober up. Otherwise, we are going to end up fighting." I chuckled nervously. 

 

"Ok. I'll put a pot." She kissed my cheek and rose from the couch. I watch her disappear into the kitchen.  Come on Logan, you can do this. I told myself. Problem was, I didn't know how much I should tell her. 

Mel waited quietly as I sipped my coffee. I was stalling this I knew, but how did you tell your wife about your past without hurting her?

"I can take it, Logan." Her voice trembled. I didn't think anymore, I just let it all out.

"Yes, Brandon was the man you fell in love with, however it didn't happen over night." I felt my hands beginning to shake. When I felt strong enough I continued, "I was away a lot, I was a Marine." I looked up to meet Mel's reaction. She stared at me wide eyed.

"Maybe I should start from the beginning?" I sighed. Amelie nodded. 

"I swear, I don't want to put you through this, Logan. But I need to know what's on your mind." The warmth in her voice reminded me of why I had fallen in love with her.

 

"I know. It's just... I've never opened up to anyone, Mel. Even my parents tried making me talk." I let my head hang. How was I going to get trough this? I looked up the moment Mel's chair scrapped against the wooden floor. Mel stood by my side, grabbed my hand and lead me to the couch. Mel took me by surprise when instead of sitting beside me, she straddled my lap. 

"It's just us. No one else. Now, talk to me." She smiled reassuringly. I nodded. 

"We met while we were in college. You wanted to become a teacher and teach first grade. I on the other hand went to college because it was sort of mandatory when you were in the Marines. It's not like you'll be working in the Marines forever." I chuckled. I remembered the day I met her. 

*Flashback*

She was sitting in the corner of a library she wore dark skinny jeans with a white t-shirt that stopped at her naval. The red Chuck Taylor's she wore, told me she'd rather be comfortable than to be girly. Her dark brown hair fanned over her right side of her face and I swear, I fell in love. 

I walked up to her and softly introduced myself. When her tear stained cheeks looked up to me, I became undone. I wanted to ouch whoever made her cry. That, however, would have been a bit a extreme. I didn't know her yet, she was perfection in every sense of the word. I asked if she was ok, to which she replied with a 'who are you, again?' It was history after that. I loved her free spirit and the way her eyes lit up every time she described her love for  teaching. We hung out and learned about each other, but there was one problem in this friendship, her boyfriend: Brandon Matthew's. 

He was the epitome of an asshole and that's me being nice. He treated her like shit, and even though Mel looked for the best in people, I didn't. On a Friday morning, I walked to the library as usual, to meet with Mel, only she was nowhere to be found. I waited an hour before heading back to class. I was nervous and beyond pissed that she stood me up. 

I walked out of my sociology class and found Mel sunk on the floor with her head between her legs. The anger I felt earlier washed away the moment I saw her.

"Hey," I knelt before her. Her beautiful tear filled eyes met mines. "What's wrong, beautiful?" I stroked the fallen tears. 

"Brandon, he-" the scariest sobbed escaped her. I pulled her into my arms. I held her tightly. People began to pile through the hallways, but I didn't care about anyone staring. I only cared about this amazing girl in my arms. 

Once Amelie calmed down enough, she began to speak again. "He broke up with me. He accused me of cheating on him, and of falling in love with someone else." 

"He's an ass!" I stroked her tears. "You deserve better, beautiful. I swear you'll find the right person one day." I smiled reassuringly. There was no doubt how much I loved the girl before me, but I would be gone one day, and I couldn't put myself or her through the agony of being apart. 

"He was right, Logan. I have cheated on him," She frowned. I pulled away from her. Mel didn't strike me as the cheating kind. "Please, let me finish." She sighed. I nodded, but kept my distance. 

"I haven't physically cheated on him, but my heart has. I have fallen in love with someone else, Logan." She looked up at me through her lashes. The way she stared gave me butterflies. Was that even possible on a guy? Amelie reached for my hand, gently kissed it and smiled. 

"I don't know when it happened, Logan. But I fell completely and utterly in love with you." She waited for my reaction. 

Speechless, was the only word I could use to describe how I felt in that moment. She confessed her love for me, yet there I stood unsure of how to reply. 

 

*End of Flashback*

 

 

 

 

9th Entry4/7/14

I was so angry at Logan for the way he treated Dr. Matthew's. Even if he didn't like the man, he at least could pretend to for the sake of being nice. But then that would make him a hypocrite, and Logan didn't come across as someone who was a hypocrite. Still, it made me mad.

I parked right behind Logan's SUV. Thankfully, he was able to change the tire in ten minutes. However, he made me drive back home, he said and I quote "we need to talk." What the hell was that supposed to mean? What, did he finally realize that I wasn't worth loving? Although, it would crush my heart, I would understand.

I knew he kept secrets from me, he was so easy to read. I mean sooner or later all secrets came to light, so why not get them out of the way now?

I walked through the doors to find Logan sitting on the couch, the bottle of vodka didn't go unnoticed.

"You're drinking again." I said as I removed my jacket.

"Yeah, well" He shrugged.

"What's gotten into you?" I raised an eyebrow. His mood swings were seriously giving me whiplash.

"What did he say to you?" Logan asked carefully.

"Not much. He'd only been there for five minutes before you showed up." I sunk on the love seat. I needed to be a few feet away from him.

"You didn't answer my question." He said as he took a shot of the vodka. Note to self: get rid of all the alcohol in this house. Logan gave me an 'are you going to answer me' look.

"He introduced himself once again. And then asked me to allow him to change my tire. I refused. I didn't want him to think I would owe him anything for doing me a favor." I said carefully. I wasn't stupid, I knew both Logan and Brandon aka Dr. Matthew's hated each other. What I didn't understand was the why.

"Logan, I know you don't like the man, but he was just being nice. I would have done the same for him or anyone else who needed my help." I said honestly.

"Of course you would!" Logan rose from the couch and began to pace.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snapped.

"It doesn't matter." He paused. I opened my mouth to argue, but he beat me to it, "I don't want you talking to Dr. Matthew's'" he said matter of fact.

"You can't tell me who I can and can't speak with! Brandon was only being nice." I glared at him. Logan's wide eyes didn't go unnoticed as I said Dr.Matthew's name.

"Since when are you on a first name basis with the asshole?"

"Logan! That's enough!" I don't know if it was the way I rose from the couch, but I felt my body swoon and my head pound. I even lost my balance.

Logan was instantly at my side. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I'm just tired, that's all." I felt my tears give way. I looked up at Logan. He gave me a weak smile. I pulled away from him. We were both angry and I was not going to let things go.

"Mel, maybe you should rest. I'll make us dinner." Logan murmured.

"No. I don't want to rest! I'm tired of being treated like a dam porcelain doll!" I grabbed my bag and exited the front door without looking back.

It was a shitty thing to do, but I needed time to breathe and think.

8th Entry 4/4/14

After having an amazing dinner night or morning- whatever the hell people wanted to call it- with Mel, we sat on the couch and popped in a movie. My eyes were beginning to drift around the same time Rose wanted Jack to draw her like one of his French girls. I never understood why Mel loved this movie. The fascination with Leonardo Dicaprio was cute, but annoying as hell.

"Baby," Mel whispered.

"Hmm" I hummed. I was done trying to keep my eyes opened. For the love of all, we had watched Titanic like a thousand times.

"Let's go to bed. Movie is done." She said in a sleepy voice. I nodded, still with my eyes closed.

Amelie's giggles forced my eyes opened. I waited for my eyes to adjust to the dark room. When they finally came to be, I saw a playful smile on Mel's face.

"Come on sleepy head." She tugged at my hand.

"Ok. You go ahead. I'll turn everything off." I placed a kiss on her forehead.

Five minutes later, I was ready to crash with my wife. I removed my basketball shorts, leaving only my boxer briefs on, and climbed to bed. I pulled Mel closer to me, kissed her goodnight and drifted off to sleep land.

The annoying ring of my phone woke me from my beautiful dream. I groaned and turned to grab the annoying item from the night stand.

"Hello," I answered. I cleared my throat to get the frog out. I shot up the moment I heard her voice. "Wait slow down!" I looked to my side and saw I had been sleeping alone.

My heart dropped at the thought of her being in danger  again. "Tell me where you are?" I hastily pulled my pants up while almost tripping in the process. I patiently waited for her to say where she was.

"I don't know" She breathed out.

"Baby, what do you mean, you don't know?" I tried not raising my voice. How could she be so stupid as to going out by herself?

"I don't know, Logan! I wanted to see him, ok! I got off on the wrong exit! I tried to follow the stupid GPS on my phone but I lost signal. A dog ran in front of the car and I swerved so fast I didn't see the ditch, I got a flat tire, and now I'm stuck!" She rambled on. If it wasn't for my anger, I would have thought she sounded cute.

"What exit number you took?" I asked softly not wanting to scare her any further.

"Exit 9, I took exit 9. I would turn around, but my phone is dying. The charger is in your car. Plus, I don't remember how to change a tire." Her voice dropped a notch.

"Ok. I'll be there soon. Stay put." I said.

"Where else will I go?" She snapped.

"Right" I ignored her attitude.

The twenty minute ride gave me time to calm my nerves down. I wanted to  yell at her for leaving without letting me know, but I reminded myself she was still vulnerable.

When I spotted Mel's car I smiled knowing she was okay. However, my stomach dropped when I saw who was with her. I parked my car behind Mel's. Taking a deep breath, I told myself that I can do this. I carefully climbed out of the car, I wanted for her to trust me.

"Hey," her beautiful eyes were red and I wanted nothing more than to kick my own ass. I was always the cause of her tears.

"You okay?" I didn't care that the asshole was standing a few feet away from us. I needed to make sure my wife, my love, was in one piece.

"I'm so sorry, Logan." She wrapped her arms around my waist. I pulled her tighter to me.

"It's okay, baby. As long as you're fine, it's all that matters." I placed a kiss on the top of her head. I looked up and was met by a very amused, Dr. Matthews.

"I was so scared," Mel pulled away as she wiped her tears. I stroked a few away from her checks. "But Dr. Matthew's pulled over and kept me company. He insisted on changing the tire, but I told him that wasn't  necessary. Isn't that nice of him?" Mel smiled. Oh my poor gullible wife.

My blood was boiled with anger. Why was this asshole still here? Why couldn't he disappear from our lives? I pulled myself together and smile back at Mel.

"Yes," I stared at her because what I truly wanted to do, was punch the smugness out of Dr. Matthew's.

"It's nice to see you again, Logan." Dr. Matthew's offered his hand for me to shake. I hesitated, but thought against it, when I noticed the look of 'don't be rude,' on Mel's face.

"Wish I could say the same." I glared at him.

"Logan," Mel said in a warning tone.

"Sorry, I'm a little on edge." I gave her a small smile.

"Ok, well, I should get going." Dr. Matthew's looked at his watch. He turned to Mel and gave her a smile, "It was nice seeing you again. If you ever need me..." He trailed off.

"Thank you" Mel's smile didn't reach her ears.

What the hell was that about? If you ever need me? Did he seriously want to get knocked out?

"Logan," Mel's voice brought me back. I looked down at her with a smile, but immediately erased it from my face. Mel's eyes glared back at me. "Did you have to be so rude?" She snapped.

"Me, rude?" I said sarcastically. "Never. Now, let me get to fixing the tire." I pushed past her.

This wasn't the place nor time to get into an argument with her.

7th Entry 4/2/14

I woke up some time during the night to find the rain had stopped. The house was unbelievable eerie, now more than ever. My eyes hurt from all the crying. How could I be so evil? Logan loved me, so what would posses me to love someone else, and while I carried our child.

I wiped at the new waves of tears. I didn't want to cry anymore. I turned to my side to find a sleeping Logan. I was given a second chance to live and there was no way I will mess this up. I loved him in this life, that's all that should matter. Right?

I placed a kiss on Logan's cheek and  climbed off the bed. I padded towards the kitchen, my stomach was begging me to feed it. I paused when I caught Aiden's nursery door opened. Taking a deep breath I walked inside. Everything was neatly placed. The walls were a mint green with a hint of light blue. The cherry wood crib and changing station were decorated with small truck bedding.

I walked closer to the dresser to find a 3D ultrasound picture of Aiden. I took the frame in my hands and smiled. He looked to have Logan's features. The guilt was beginning to set in deeper as the words 'Hello Daddy' and 'I'm a boy' came to view on the ultrasound.

"I'm so sorry, baby." I whispered. I sat the picture back  on its spot. I turned around to find a very broken Logan standing at the door.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come in here." I said nervously. It was obvious, this was Logan's sanctuary.

Logan took a few steps towards me. He stroke the tears from my cheeks.

"He was our son, Mel. You don't need to apologize." He gave me a sweet smile.

"I can't remember everything." I whispered. It was the truth.

"It's okay. You'll get it back and if you don't, I'll still be here." He leaned down to kiss my lips. In that moment my stomach decided to make it known that it needed to be fed. Logan chuckled as he pulled away.

"I was going to make something to eat..." I trailed.

"No you're not. Come on!" Logan pulled me towards the kitchen. The silent house was now filled with my giggles.

We stopped in front of the kitchen. Logan made me stay put as he searched drawers after drawers.

"Where are the take out menus?"

"Logan, it's two in the morning!" I laughed.

"There's a great Chinese restaurant opened until four in the morning." He shrugged.

"Oh, you're talking about Fu Lin." I blurted out.

Logan stopped his search and looked back at me. He raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"Yes, I haven't had their food in a long time." Logan whined.

"Not since I had that craving at three in the morning. I begged you to buy me chicken and broccoli." The memory played in my head as if it happened last night.

"You... You remember that?" Logan's eyes sparkled. I nodded. Logan leaped to me. I wasn't understanding why he was so excited. It wasn't like it was my first memory.

"Can you remember anything else from that night?" His eyes danced in curiosity. I shook my head. I honestly couldn't remember anything else.

"No," I said sadly.

"That night was the first night that Aiden kicked. You were so scared. You thought something had erupted in you." He smiled.

"I don't remember that." I frowned.

"Hey," Logan lifted my chin. "It's okay." He leaned down to kiss me, it seemed to be the only thing to calm my nerves.

I would never understand how I was capable of ever falling for another man.

6th Entry 3/31/14

The tears stormed down her face at full force. Something in her eyes morphed into anger, hurt, perhaps even regret. There was no way to avoid the topic any longer. It was exactly a month since her accident. I tried getting rid of everything in this room, but I couldn't part with any of his items. Our unborn son was supposed to be our world, but it shattered the moment Mel decided to walk out the door.

I watched as Amelie crumbled on the floor. I fell with her. I didn't blame her for any of this. We had a weak moment in our marriage and we both paid the consequences. I started to pull her to me, but she pulled away.

"Don't touch me!" She said angrily. I stared at her confused. I should be the one angry at her. Angry for the way she ran out on me that horrible night.

"Mel," I said softly. Her beautiful hazel eyes looked back at me.

"Logan, I'm so sorry. It should have been me. It shouldn't have been Aiden." We both cringed at his name. We had picked out his name together. It wasn't a popular name and most of our families had boys with names like, Luke and Jacob.

"Mel, I don't blame you. I never have." I reached out to her. Mel shook her head 'no' and stood on her feet.

"How can you be okay with all of this?" She silently sobbed. I wanted to scoop her in my arms and take her to our bed. I wanted to show her that no matter what happened a month ago, my love for her hadn't changed.

"We are humans, Mel. We make mistake. When I took those vows I promised you 'through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, for better or worse', this was our worse." I scanned her face. Amelie's tears continued to fall.

"So me falling for another man while pregnant with our child is okay with you?" Mel walked out of the room. I followed suit. I was taken aback by how fast her memory was returning.

"Mel, please." I half ran to her. Mel stopped midway in the hallway, she turned around and bit her lip. I closed the distance between her and like I had thought, I scooped her in my arms and brought her to our room.

Mel sobbed uncontrollably in my arms. I let her because it's what I did.

"Did I sleep with him?" She asked. I guess her memory had partially returned. I shook my head 'no'. I felt Mel let a shaky breath out. "I can't remember anything but that night, Logan." She tilted her head towards me. Her eyes were swollen and filled with tears. "I'm so sorry, Logan. Please forgive me." A new wave of tears bean to fall from her eyes.

"I already did, baby." I gently kissed her lips. I knew the moment her memory came back, her dark past will soon follow. I was ready to catch if and when she falls. It's what married couples did. You mess up, but you pick yourself right back up. "For better or for worse." I whispered as I kissed her temple.

5th Entry 3/29/14

Logan's small snores woke me from my sleep stupor. My body ached in all the right places; if last night was a taste of our previous love making, then my goodness did I want more. Stretching my body I turned to face a sleeping Logan. He looked so peaceful. Without wanting to wake him, I gently slid off of the bed. I threw on his favorite New York Yankees t-shirt and made my way to the kitchen. I had a dressing to change. I grabbed the provided dressing and sat on the couch. It was so stupid for me to use a bandage, but I also didn't want to get it infected.

 "What are you doing?" Logan's voice broke through the silence. I jumped at his voice and grabbed my chest.

"Jesus! Don't do that again!" I snapped. Logan chuckled and walked towards me. He sat beside me, grabbed my foot and began to bandage it.

"I'm not Jesus, but I promise to never do it again. You always did hate when I went ninja on you." There was humor in his voice.

"I guess some things never change" I shrugged. I was taken aback by my choice of words.

"No, I guess they don't." He chuckled. Logan was by far more relaxed than earlier at the hospital.

I saw the glares he gave Dr. Matthew's, it made me wonder if they were enemies. Then on the way home he was far too quiet and pensive. The 'v' between his brows proved it. I became frustrated when he wouldn't open up to me, but I calmed myself knowing he would when he was ready.

"Hey, where did you go?" He gently rubbed my foot. I looked up to meet his beautiful eyes, they were so green and gentle.

"I'm sorry. I was just thinking about earlier." I said vaguely.

"Oh, and what was that?" He smiled. Damn he and his beautiful face and body. Gah, was I always such girl? I felt the heat rise to my face as I got caught ogling his hard chest and abs.

Logan stroke my cheeks and laughed. "You're so damn cute!" He continued laughing. I began to laugh with him because he did have a contagious laughter. However, the laughter died down as soon as I spoke the following words.

"Why were you murdering Dr. Matthew's with your eyes?" I was bold with asking, but I needed to know incase I ran into him again.

Logan rose from the couch and walked to the window. He stared out at the odd rainy night and he crossed his arms over his chest. It was his way of saying the topic was off limits. But I pushed. After all, wasn't he my husband?

I walked behind him and snaked my arms around his waist. He was so much taller than me, but I loved it. I kissed his tattoos and wondered how painful they all must have been.

"Logan," I began.

"Please, Mel, not tonight." He sighed. "I'm not ready to talk about it. You're not ready to hear it." The pain in his voice ever so present.

"Logan, I need to know. What if I bumped into him? It's a small town." I practically begged. I sounded so pitiful. And I hated to manipulate him. But damn it, I needed to know.

"Amelie," he pulled away from me. I felt my eyes beginning to moist. I couldn't take his rejection, not after having an amazing evening with him.

"Please, Logan." I pleaded again. Defeated, Logan walked to the kitchen and found a bottle of scotch. He poured himself some and chugged it down in one shot. I stood there as he took two more shots, by the fourth I had enough and walked up to him.

"Babe, I think that's enough." I grabbed the bottle from him.

"I'm in control, Mel" He snatched the bottle from my hands. I was dumbfounded by his actions. I never experienced this side of him. Well, not since losing my memory.

"Did I say something wrong?" I followed him through the house. He was walking towards a bedroom, but it wasn't ours. He stopped in front of a cherry wood door and let a shaky breath out.

"There's so much to say, but it's never the right moment." The thickness of his voice reminded of someone who was holding back their tears. I laid my hand on his shoulder.

"Talk to me." I begged through tears.

"Fine, " He turned around. Logan's tears mirrored mine. "You must promise to hear everything. And I mean everything, before you speak." He angrily wiped his tears. I nodded because honestly, I couldn't speak.

The moment Logan revealed what was behind the door we stood in front of, I gasped and felt the air leave my lungs. In a rush every memory crushed my mind...

                       

4th Entry 3/22/14

The last thing I wanted to do was see the face of the man who ruined my life. Why couldn't it had been another doctor attending my love, Amelie. I had to get a grip of myself. My wife needed me. I walked back to the waiting room but halt when I heard laughter. I knew the timbre of her voice when she laughed. It was almost impossible not to laugh with, she was that contagious. But I wasn't smiling, not tonight. He made her laugh, yet I make her cry. Seems like some things don't change. I took a deep breath and pushed the door to Amelie's room and kicked myself in the ass when seeing she was only laughing at some random TV show.

"What's so funny, sweetheart?" I smiled. Mel smiled at me and pointed at the small emergency room television.

"I think it's called How I Met Your Mother?" She laughed. I wasn't much of a TV watcher, so I had no idea what she was talking about. But it made her laugh, so that had to count for something. I walked up to her and gently placed a tender kiss on her lips. Amelie didn't pull back, not since the words I love you flew from her lips at home. Mel gave me sweet smile when I pulled back. God, she was so beautiful.

"I'm sorry I walked out on you earlier." I whispered. My forehead was flushed against hers. "Me and Dr. Matthew's aren't friends." I confessed. Mel stroked my cheeks and frowned. Could she see why I hated Dr. Matthew's?

"You've never hated anyone before?" She blurted. Her revelation caught her off guard as it did me. We both pulled back in amazement. "I...I don't know how I know that." She began to freak out. Was her memory slowly returning? Shit. As much as I wanted that, I didn't want it to happen at this moment in time.

"Hey," I pulled her into my arms. "Dr. Silas said these things would happen. Remember?" I pushed a strand of hair away from her face. I gently tucked it behind her ear. Amelie nodded quietly. "Ok, so let's not get worked up and let your mind do the work on its own." I planted a small kiss on her temple.

After two hours of sitting in an emergency room, we were now on our way home. I thank God Amelie's cut wasn't deep and that she only needed two stiches. She would have to wear a small ace bandage whenever she wore sandals, it was a good thing it was summer out.

"You're awfully quiet." Amelie stated. I glanced her way not really taking my eyes off of the road. I didn't need a repeat of that horrible night.

"I'm sorry, love. I have a lot in my mind." I took her hand and placed a gentle kiss on it.

"Want to talk about it? I can try to help." She said sweetly.

"Not tonight love. I promise to come to you when I'm ready to talk." I gave her an assuring smile. Those words seemed to have appeased Amelie because she dropped the subject. I prayed her memory would return: but was I ready to open the Pandora box that was our lives? A few minutes later we were both walking through our quiet home. I always hated the silence in this home. It didn't deserve to be so empty. I wanted to fill it with our own family, however that dream died the moment Amelie had that terrible accident.

"You're far away again." Amelie frowned. I hadn't noticed I was sitting on the couch staring at the empty coffee table. I pulled Mel beside me. She didn't protest.

"I'm sorry" I pressed my lips to her temple. "I have a lot in my mind." I repeated the words from earlier in the car.

"I know. You said that before." Mel smoothed out the 'v' between my eyebrows. "Logan, if its me..." Her eyes began to well-up. I pulled her into my arms and sat her on my lap. I traced her eyes, lips, nose, and cheeks. Mel was a beautiful woman. Her perfect blue irises made me fall at her mercy whenever she wanted something.

"It's not you. Don't you ever think that. I love you, sweetheart, nothing and no one will ever change that." I pulled her head closer and instantly crashed my lips over hers. I didn't care if any consequences came about, but I needed to feel her close to me. I wanted so much more from my wife, but was she ready to give. The movement of her hips made me belief that perhaps she was ready.

"Logan," She panted. We continued kissing and breaking for air until we both couldn't take it anymore. "Please, I need more." She whimpered. With those words, I stood with her in arms and stalked towards our room.


                                  


3rd Entry 3/20/14

I ran out on him and in the process I knocked down a crystal vase. I let out a scream and sunk on the floor in a sobbing mess. I think I even let out a scream from the pain that shot through my foot; I was almost certain I would need stiches. I didn't know him well, so why did I kiss him? How could I have been so stupid? Where were these feelings coming from? Because he's your husband and you trust him. My nagging mind was beginning to infuriate me. I watched in horror when Logan appeared in front of me.

"What happened?" He asked nervously.

"I'm sorry. I didn't see the vase..." I trailed off. His beautiful green eyes stared at me with love. He quietly nodded and took off to the kitchen. I sunk further down into the ground, as if that were possible, but I didn't know where else to go. Everything around me was unfamiliar and I didn't know the area well. Logan reappeared with a broom and dust pan in hand. I should be doing that, not him.

I quickly rose from the floor, but cringed the moment my foot protested. I hissed, making Logan turn around to face me.

"What's wrong?" He set the broom aside. I pushed my tears back. I didn't want to cry anymore tonight. He saw me far too vulnerable.

"I think there's a glass on my foot." I sat back on the floor. Logan knelt in front of me. He gently took my foot and frowned when seeing the blood. As Logan inspected my foot, I took him in: He had silky black hair that fell above his eyebrows, he needs a haircut. His jaw was chiseled and sported a five o'clock shadow. I wished to see his eyes because you could get lost in them and see how wise he truly was, even for a twenty-eight year old man. Logan had a beautiful soul, one that I wished to know all over again.

"You're going to need stiches," he began, bringing me out of my trance. "I'll clean it up, but we have to get you to the hospital." He smiled weakly.

"Okay" I sighed. I couldn't and wouldn't argue with him. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head against the wall as Logan began to clean the blood off. His touch was gentle and loving at the same time. "Logan," I whispered.

"Hmm," He hummed. I opened my eyes to find him staring deeply at me.

"I love you" I  breathed out.

2nd Entry 3/11/14

I could hear her small cries at night. I wished to take away all of her pain, but I couldn't even do that. Once upon a time, she was my best friend, lover, and wife; but now I was just another stranger to her turmoil mind. I wasn't ignorant to the stares my friends and family gave her, but I continued to love Amelie as if nothing happened. Maybe, that was the problem. I was going on pretending as if nothing was wrong.

I leaned over and pulled Amelie towards me. She at least had come to trust me since losing her memory.

"Mel," I whispered. I couldn't call her by the sweet names I used to use. "What's wrong?" I asked. Her beautiful blue iris stared back at me. They were the kind in which you could get lost in forever. I gently wiped her tears away, but to no avail. She continued crying. I felt helpless. My heart breaking by the second knowing I would possibly never have my wife back.

"I saw the stares, Logan. I know that everyone expects me to remember them, but I can't. I just wished people understood that." She sighed. I couldn't take it anymore. I leaned my forehead against hers and gently placed a kiss on her pouty lips. Amelie's eyes instantly flew opened, and for the first time since coming back to me, she didn't push away. Instead, she kissed me back with so much force. We both pulled back a panting mess.

"Logan, I..." She trailed off. When her words didn't come, she rose from the bed and patted her way to the living room. I laid in bed with a smile on my face, but it quickly faded when I heard a shrilling scream...

1st Entry 3-7-14 
                                                            
The words are jumbled in my mind. I'm not the person I used to be. Faces, I can recognize, with the exception of my love,  even names are hard to remember these days. And the pitiful stares I receive, make me want to curl in bed and cry. I tell myself that it will be ok, I will be myself soon. 

"Are you okay, love?" I hear concern in his voice. I don't remember Logan, but he remembers me, and I trust him; my heart says to trust him. 

"Yes" I smiled up at him. He gives me a wary look, but smiles in return. 

Why did I have to be in that stupid accident? I'm sure Logan and I were inseparable at one point, but now the memories of us were locked away in my mind, and they may never come back.